Twist of Fate
by GirlOnTheSidelines
Summary: Vivian Iris Nott. Silent but deadly, Vivian has up until now gone unnoticed in the grapevine of school gossip and it is not until a twist of fate brings her face to face with some of the most famous students in the school that anyone really begins to notice her. Tradition and rivalry; love and loyalty; hope and despair… Everything must come at a price.
1. Complications

**I**

**Complications**

**_April 2022_**

Fifteen is a difficult age for any girl: she has to juggle school work, friendship issues and boy troubles as well as trying to find her place in the world. Well for me, school work has never really been much of a problem, I may not be top of the class but I am confident about passing my upcoming OWL examinations, as for friendship issues, I have very few friends so there are very rarely many issues to deal with and as for boys? I have yet to have an actual boyfriend so there is no trouble in that area… so, life being the generous being it is, I have a different problem, a problem that could, in theory, affect all the areas of my life where I am presently problem-less.

I, Vivian Iris Nott, am pregnant.

Now when I said I have yet to have a boyfriend, I did not mean that I have never fooled around with boys before. Because – clearly – I have. This is not to say I am easy, I'm not, it's just that I'm not (or was not) against a little bit of fun every now and then. I never expected it to end up like this.

You hear about teenage pregnancies all the time and you always assume that they are uneducated and/or stupid; you definitely never think you will be one of them. Well I can tell you now, I am not uneducated and I am not stupid. I am simply unlucky. There is this thing you see, called a contraceptive spell, however it is not 100% fool proof (especially when you cast when you're a little bit tipsy which I might have been on this particular occasion). So now I'm pregnant and possibly in the biggest trouble I will ever be in. No joke. Have you ever heard of those families who believe sex out of wedlock is a sin, let alone a _child_ out of wedlock? Right, well my family is one of those families and when my parents find out about this, either they or I will end up in a graveyard… or worse, St Mungo's.

So… you must be wondering, who is the father? Ah well here's the catch: he is none other than the famous and talented Albus Severus Potter.

And if you think it couldn't get any worse, try this: I am hopelessly in love with his older brother, James Sirius Potter.

Oh and just as an afterthought, did I mention that my dad was a death eater? You know the ones Mr Potter fought against.

So you see, my life is now very complicated whereas only a few minutes ago I had not a care in the world (except maybe being in love with James Potter). Now my entire existence has been turned upside down and I have no clue what I'm supposed to do right now. So I guess I'll start with the basics – lessons.

I wander out of the bathroom, leaving Myrtle howling behind me, and make my way to the dungeons for Potions. Oh and guess who I have Potions with, the brave hearted Gryffindors which includes Albus, his cousin Roxanne and his other cousin Rose (who hates me even more than your average Gryffindor, but why, I'm not entirely sure).

"You're late, Miss Nott," Professor Zabini hisses without looking up from his desk as I come in. Zabini is a friend of my fathers and Head of Slytherin, my House, so I know him pretty well but this does not account for his eerie knowledge of who comes in and out of his classroom door. "Sit down, Miss Nott and try not to disrupt our lesson further." He indicates to the one remaining seat in the classroom and my sadistic sense of humour causes me to laugh – he is indicating to the seat normally occupied by Max Jordan (who is currently confined to the Hospital Wing after a Quidditch accident). The table where I usually sit at the back of the classroom has been turned (temporarily, I hope) into a demonstrating table. I take my seat between a bored looking Albus and a furious looking Rose and pull out my books.

Zabini demonstrates how to make today's potion – Living Death, which I find rather fitting – and then writes the ingredients and instructions on the blackboard and returns to shuffling papers around his desk. Once I gather my ingredients I return to my new table and begin throwing them into my cauldron, Potions is my favourite subject simply because it is so ridiculously easy. Beside me, Rose is chopping mercilessly at some kind of root that I am positive is not one of the ingredients for this potion, her red hair getting extremely bushy as a result of the peculiar smelling smoke rising from her half empty cauldron – her potion, I'm guessing, is not going so well. Mine on the other hand is fine and I am finished with plenty of time to spare.

Our table is uncomfortably awkward, for them at least, I don't really care. No one says a thing as they struggle to get a reasonable looking potion, each looking like they have something pressing on their mind. Across from me, Roxanne keeps glaring at the table on the other side of the room where several Slytherin boys are successfully making their potions; Rose is getting more and more irate for no apparent reason (and in the meantime destroying her potion and, if she wasn't careful, her cauldron too) and Albus is just methodically chopping, cutting and pouring into his cauldron, not really caring what was happening, he looks as if someone had died.

"Very good, Miss Nott," Zabini's voice showed little enthusiasm. "I expect to see you here again next year for Potion's NEWTs."

"I'm not sure," I say, noticing Albus' head flick up. "My parents might have murdered me by then." I smile mockingly up at him and he walks off. Rose loses it and smashes her root (yes another root that does not go in this potion) so hard it skitters across the table and hits an unsuspecting boy in the back, who in turn, knocks into his table and sends his cauldron flying.

"Detention, Davis," is Zabini's only reaction. Davis, with the help of his slightly annoyed friends, is left to clear up the mess on his own. I snort and Rose glares at me, seriously, if looks could kill I would be dead a hundred times over. "Well Miss Nott," Zabini creeps up behind me again. "I am no longer sure if your potion is so good after all, I mean in contrast to whatever they are supposed to be," he indicated to the other three cauldrons on the table, "anything would look impressive. Weasley I suggest you stop with whatever atrocity you are attempting to make before you kill us all." He said, peering into Rose's cauldron, she flushes an even deeper shade of red and I can practically hear her teeth grinding.

As the lesson finishes, I escape first, heading down to the Slytherin common room to contemplate my fate. Muttering the password absentmindedly, I clamber into the dimly lit common room just as a couple of first years are trying to climb out. Upon seeing me, they hastily allow me through first, oh the joys of being a fifth year Slytherin – everyone assumes you are out to kill (or something a little less drastic). Some people hate the thought of being partly underwater, personally, I love it. The eerie green light is calming and gentle, my dormitory is one of the few with an underwater window and I love to lie on my bed and watch the creatures of the deep float by.

My dorm, as usual, is empty and I throw my bag on the floor and climb on my bed. I share the dorm with four other girls: Gwendolyn Goyle (who looks as stupid as her name sounds), Violet Briggs (the schools biggest bitch), Miriam Smith (nicknamed 'the silent slut') and Juliana Stone (who is abnormally short with an oversized head and stares at everything as if she has never seen it before).

So if you haven't gathered – I do not really like my dorm-mates. Ironically, the one I can put up with the most is Vi Briggs because she is the fount of all gossip and it's through her that I now know everyone's biggest secrets. I wonder if one day she will gossip about me.

"Alright Viv?" Violet asks as she walks in, her long white-blond hair swaying as she walks.

"Yeah, not bad," I lie. "You?"

"Amazing, you will never guess," I don't bother trying to as I know she is about to tell me anyway. "Rose Weasley got kicked off the Gryffindor Quidditch team this morning because Potter says she's too bossy and he is having trouble keeping his team in order because they're not sure who to listen to, Weasley or Potter, their captain. Imagine that, getting kicked off the team by your own cousin!" So that was the reason for Rose's foul temper earlier. "So are you packed?"

"Packed?"

"Yeah, for the holidays…" Vi looks at me as if I'm stupid. Great, the holidays, I had completely forgotten about that.

"Oh, right, yeah almost." I lie.

"Cool, I'll see you later, bye." She walks back out carrying her cloak over her arm.

Back to 'me' time, so… I'm not even sure what to think about. I'm pregnant, now what? Do I tell my parents when I go home? Do I even bother going home? Do I ever tell Potter the kid is his? Do I slap Rose Weasley around the face just to piss her off even more? Oh, I'm such a nice person but, whoa, I'm going off track. Pregnant. Pregnancy… baby… mother… dead. My mind works in mysterious ways.


	2. Dazed

**II**

**Dazed**

**_April 2022_**

"VIVIAN!" I roll my eyes as my charming mother yells up the stairs.

"Yes, mother?"

"Come down this instant!" I oblige, simply because I have nothing better to do. The Spring Holiday is supposed to be a time of revision for end of year exams, NEWTs or in my case OWLs, personally I find the holiday rather boring as revision is not something I have ever done, either I know it already or I will never know it.

"Yes, mother?" I repeat once I enter the kitchen where my mother is sat picking at a bowl of vegetable soup, now that I think about it, I don't think I have ever actually seen my mother _eat_ anything, she just plays with her food, pushing it around on her plate.

"We are going shopping." I have to resist the urge to pull a face, I hate shopping, especially with my mother. I wait patiently for her to go on, because we never _just _go shopping, there is always a reason for it and sure enough: "We have been invited to a party." My lack of response seems to bother her. "Aren't you excited? Some human interaction will be good for you; you spend far too much time shut up in that room of yours. It's a wonder you do not bore yourself to death." If only she knew, I spend the majority of each day trying to figure out what on earth I am supposed to do with this whole being fifteen (almost sixteen) and pregnant thing, which does not leave me much time for being bored.

"Of course mother," I reply, the ever pleasing daughter (for now at least).

"Good, we are leaving now." She holds out her arm and I take it, the twisting sensation of apparition consumes me. Blinking, I regain my balance, Diagon Alley comes into view but not just any part, the rich part, the part where shops have wizards and witches stationed in the doorways. This must be an important party.

The first shop we enter is the dressmakers; my mother selects a rather pretty (for her taste) dark emerald dress for me and instructs the seamstress to fit it for me. I stand on the odd boxy thing as she starts fiddling with the hem, as she progresses up the dress I become a little uncomfortable as she stretches the material tight over my stomach. I know I'm not showing yet but all the same, I don't need the reminders thank you very much.

Once the dress was sorted, we move on to the shoe shop, then the hair salon and the nail parlour, the jewellery shop and at last to the makeup artist's salon. Once we were entirely made up and had collected the dress, we apparate back home.

"Go and put your dress on now Vivian," my mother orders, she seems uncharacteristically flustered and my curiosity is almost aroused. "We must look perfect."

I oblige my mother once again and within minutes I am back in the living room looking far too glamorous for my liking. Once my father arrives home and is harassed by my mother until he is presentable we gather in the kitchen and apparate to goodness knows where.

"The Ministry?" I ask with actual surprise in my voice.

"Yes dear, didn't I tell you?" my mother really is flustered.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why are we here?"

"Because the Ministry is holding a Ball in honour of Harry Potter's defeat of the Dark Lord and they wanted to hold it before the students went back to school. We must look immaculate, we wouldn't want them to think we supported the dark arts now would we?" My mother is worried, I mean actually worried. My father on the other hand simply snorts, he doesn't care what anyone thinks, if there is something in the way of what he wants, he uses whatever way is necessary to remove it, in fact the only think he seems incapable of removing is his irritating wife.

"Hold on… the _Potter's_ will be here?" Realisation dawns on me. Great.

"Well of course darling, it is a Ball in honour of _them_." Sighing, I realise that no matter how hard I try to pretend everything is normal, nothing will change the fact that I am pregnant with Albus Potter's child. Even at a party I have been dragged to Potter will be here and I will no doubt have to face him at the request of my mother, who seems determined to make sure everyone knows we are fully against the dark arts. "Oh look, here they come now."

Sure enough, Harry Potter and his wife Ginevra have entered on the other side of the room. Mr Potter is looking extremely uncomfortable with the amount of attention he is receiving and Mrs Potter is smiling a smile that does not reach her eyes as she places herself tactfully between the pressing crowd and her husband, protecting him. Mr Potter turns to look in our direction and my stomach lurches, he looks just like Albus.

Behind them come their three children: Lily, wearing a modest dark red dress with her flaming red hair done up in a simple bun (the tired look on her face makes her look so much older than thirteen); then Albus, who – like his father – seems to shy away from the hordes of people greeting him and, at last, James. Unlike his father and younger brother, James loves the attention, he smiles and waves, shaking hands and clapping people on the back. He even grins wickedly in my direction, right at me, making eye contact… why? I may be insanely in love with him but he doesn't know that, I didn't think he even knew my name… why is he grinning at me like that? He couldn't… Albus didn't… Albus wouldn't… oh Merlin… he knows. James Potter knows I shagged his little brother. Kill me now.

"Alright Viv?" my gaze snaps away from the grinning James and lands on Violet who has crept up beside me. "See you've been dragged here too, unless of course you have some connection to the Potter family?" Vi's eyes lighten up at the prospect of new gossip but I adamantly deny having anything to do with the Potters, which of course is a lie but at least a plausible one.

"Darling are you going to introduce us to your friend?"

"Mother, this is Violet Briggs, Vi, this is my mother," I roll my eyes at Vi who represses a giggle.

"A pleasure to meet you Miss Briggs, I have always longed to meet Vivian's friend but she refuses to invite anyone around…"

"I wonder why," I mutter darkly under my breath. "I'm just going to get a drink, Vi you coming?" I can see my mother itching to correct my grammar so grab Vi's arm and drag her away before either can say another word.

"You have a nice mum," I assume Vi is being sarcastic but when I see her face, I'm not so sure.

"Mmm…" The evening passes slowly, Mr Potter gives a brief speech about how he couldn't possibly have defeated Riddle without the help of his friends, I can see the tips of his ears (which stick out slightly from his untameable hair) have turned a light shade of red. After that, the dancing commences and I leave Vi with some tall blonde guy from the year above. I retreat to the corner of the hall and return to thinking about my fate and am so deep in my thoughts that I don't notice someone approach me.

"Care to dance?" I look up into deep brown eyes that twinkle with mischief and almost forget where I am. My brain has lost control of my body and I find myself nodding and follow him onto the dance floor. This is not happening. I am not dancing with James Potter.

"So, what do you want?" I mentally kick myself for asking such a dumb question… then again maybe it's a good idea because I am after all, pregnant with his brother's baby.

"What do you mean?" He grins, why is he always grinning?

"Well, you're James Sirius Potter, you could dance with any girl in this room – including those Veela women over there – so you must have a particular reason to dance with me, it's not like we know each other and I am certainly not the most attractive female here."

"I beg to differ, you are by far one of the most attractive women here and I am offended you think me so shallow," I can tell he's playing with me so I stubbornly say nothing. "Besides, I thought I should get to know the girl who is causing so much friction in my family." I'm so shocked I momentarily forget to keep dancing and almost stumble straight into another couple.

"What friction?" I ask bluntly.

"Now that would be telling," he winks; I could slap him. Spinning around, I lose sight of him and when I find myself back in Potter's arms; it is not the same Potter's arms I left. Out of the corner of my eye I see James twirling another redhead around.

"Potter," I say curtly, furious with James for abandoning me with no explanation.

"Nott," he replies stiffly. Well this is awkward. We finish the dance in silence and at the first chance we get he lets go of me and walks away – apparently dancing with me had not been his plan either.

"Ooh, Vivian darling, were you just dancing with one of the Potters?" My mother shuffles up behind me, trust her to notice something like that. I nod, the Potter boys have a knack for putting me in a foul mood. I turn into the crowd before my mother has a chance to ask another question and find myself face to face with one of the few people I would actually consider as a friend.

"Scorp, how's it going?" Scorpius Malfoy gathers me in a breath taking bear hug.

"Viv, I've been looking all over for you. Where've you been?" he asks letting me go at last.

"Dancing," the dark look on my face prevents him asking further, he knows me too well.

"Well would you fancy a turn about the floor with your old friend?" He holds out his hand, ever the gentleman, if only it was his baby I was having and not his archenemy's. Yes, to add to my already complex situation, my best friend hates the father of my unborn child.

"I suppose," I had better make the most of his friendship before he finds out what I've done. Dancing with Scorp is less awkward than dancing with a Potter and puts me in a considerably better mood… that is until I get tapped on the shoulder.

"Forgive me, Mr Malfoy, but you appear to have stolen my dance partner." In love with him I may be but right now I could kill him. Scorp looks at me in confusion and I just stand there, speechless, part of me desperate for James to sweep me off my feet and part of me wanting Scorp to break his nose.

My silence choses for me, Scorp (looking confused, angry and a little hurt) backs off into the crowd and James takes his place.

I glare at James and say nothing.

"Really, Vivian, you would look much prettier if you smiled."

"It's Miss Nott to you, and you sound like my mother."

"Well then _Miss Nott, _you must have a very intelligent mother whom I would dearly love to be acquainted with, may I take the liberty of inviting your entire family to dine with us tomorrow eve at Pendragon Place, our current place of residence," James' voice is mocking but I take little notice, my heart is beating so loud I can hardly hear a word he is saying.

"So, when are you planning to dump me on your brother again to take off with some redhead?"

"Please, forgive me, I had no intention of _dumping_ you on anyone and that 'redhead' happens to be my cousin, Lucy."

"I should've guessed, I swear the majority of people here are related to you somehow," I snort. It's true: James' mum had six older brothers, four of whom have wives and children on their own.

"My dear Miss Nott, I think if you trace back far enough, the entire wizarding world is related to each other somehow." I do not reply and neither of us speaks for the remainder of the dance.

"Thank you Mr Potter, I appreciate you not abandoning me again but I really must go, my mother will be wondering where I am." I smile as the dance finishes and then vanish into the crowd before he can stop me. A hand on my wrist tells me I was too slow.

"Miss Nott, you will not leave me in such a manner," James has pulled me back to him so that I am inches from his face, even closer than when we were dancing.

"I-" for the second time, my body refuses to obey my brains instruction to pull away and I find myself froze to the spot. His eyes are so deep and I wonder if maybe, just maybe, there is the deeper side to James that I always suspected there was.

"Miss Nott… Vivian…" This is so wrong. I am pregnant with his brother's child. Oh, James. At first I can barely feel his lips on mine, they just hover, hardly touching, but then they press firmer and I find myself responding. What am I doing? He is so gentle, so perfect; my heart beats wildly in my chest. This cannot be happening.

I don't know how long we stood like that but at last he pulls away, I cannot help but feel disappointed. Blinking, I look into his beautiful eyes.

"See you at school," he whispers before fading into the crowd. I remain dumbstruck on the spot, people push past me but I hardly notice. Did I just kiss James Potter?


	3. Confessions

**III**

**Confessions**

**_April 2022_**

I watch as the Potters take their leave, I cannot decide who looks more relived, Mr Potter or Albus. My mother mumbles something about it being a successful evening but I couldn't disagree more. Not only had I lied to Vi, offended Scorp and danced with Potter, I had also kissed James. In no way were any of those things a success.

"Ah Theodore, Mrs Nott, Miss Nott," Zabini approaches us; I didn't even know he was here, he doesn't normally turn up to these sorts of things.

"Blaise, how are you keeping?" my father enquires.

"Well enough, Theodore, well enough, although I am surprised to find Miss Nott still alive, she informed me in our last Potions lesson that she would not be taking Potion NEWTs as her parents would have killed her by then…" Zabini smiles one of his bizarre, humourless smiles at me.

"Oh really Vivian, and why is that?"

"Because I'm pregnant." Please tell me I did not say that out loud.

"Oh Vivian, you have such a peculiar sense of humour it's no wonder you do not have very many friends," my mother laughs. I stand stock still. Neither Zabini nor my father smiles.

My mother looks from one man to the other, her smile fading rapidly. My father stares at me, his face expressionless. Zabini says nothing, his face remaining neutral, as if he already knew.

"Viv…?" my mother looks at me again, her eyes begging me to laugh it off as a joke. I wish I could but my feel numb, unable to move. "Viv… you are joking right?" I shake my head slowly, not trusting myself to speak. Why? Why did I have to tell them here? What is wrong with me?

My father's face turns steadily redder; Zabini places a soothing hand on his shoulder to no avail, he then grabs my mother and tells me to hold on. I manage to catch hold of my mother's robes before the twisting feeling consumes me again and the next thing I know we are back in our kitchen. I hardly have time to regain my balance before my father launches himself at me, shaking me and shouting so loudly I cannot understand a word he is saying.

"Theo, Theo, let go of her, you're hurting her. Theo!" I hear my mum crying. Oh Merlin, I'm going to die, I knew it. "Stupefy!" The spell misses but I can feel my father loosen his grip on my neck a little and I am able to breath. "Theo, let her go," my mother is really crying now.

"How could you do this to me you filthy harlot!" Father screams in my face. This is not good, so not good. "After everything we have done for you?"

"Theo, I'm sure she has an explanation for this," mother protests.

"An explanation! That she is just another common whore?" he turns on my mother.

"Get out," hisses Zabini while my father is distracted. I didn't need to be told twice, running to the fireplace, I grab a handful of floo powder, throw it into the fireplace and scream 'Pendragon Place' at the top of my lungs as I jump in. Pendragon Place, what was I thinking? I panic but it is too late, a lounge is beginning to materialise in front of me and I can make out several armchairs and a sofa before stumbling out of the fireplace – straight into James Potter's arms.

"Vivian?" he asks in astonishment.

"I should not have come here," I sob incomprehensibly into his chest, I only just realise I am crying myself. What on earth possessed me to come here? I'm so stupid.

"Shhh… it's okay Viv, everything will be fine. You're safe here." James murmurs into my hair. He somehow manages to transfer us over to the sofa where he pulls me close to him and lets me cry my eyes out into his already soaked shirt. This was madness. Complete and utter madness.

"James, dear, what's going on?" Mrs Potter calls from a neighbouring room.

"Nothing, mum, it's fine."

"Clearly it is not fi-" I can only assume Mrs Potter has come to the door to see me weeping uncontrollably in James arms. "Oh, I'll just go and make some coco…" it was such a motherly thing to say, no one drinks coco unless someone is upset.

"I'm sorry," I hiccup, recomposing myself. I am now absolutely mortified.

"Shh, don't worry," he whispers, flicking his wand. A small glass bottle comes flying into the room straight at us, James catches it with the skill of a Seeker and uncorks it, handing it to me.

"What is it?" I hiccup again.

"Hiccupping solution," he smiles and my heart melts, why is he so perfect? I swallow the little bottle and at once my hiccups stop. "Better?" I nod; I can sense my face burning with embarrassment. Why did I have to come here? He pulls me back onto his chest and strokes my hair, I wonder vaguely if my father did actually kill me and this is in fact heaven.

"James have you seen my-" I groan inside, this can't be heaven because if it was, people would stop coming in and seeing me cry. I never cry. Why am I crying now? "Oh, sorry." The voice belongs to a girl but I don't think I have heard it before, it must Lily, James' little sister.

"I'm sorry, I should go, I shouldn't be here," I push at his chest and begin to get up.

"You're not going anywhere," dragging me back down onto the sofa he turns me to face him. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" His voice is so gentle, not at all demanding – I just want to curl back up on his lap and never move again.

"Al I wouldn't go in there," the girl's voice warns from the next room but it is too late, I can hear someone push open the door.

James looks up and his face changes from concern to… guilt? What on earth could James be guilty about?

"Al, I can explain-" he starts but the door slams shut behind me. "AL!" He looks back to me and his features soften slightly. "I'm sorry, stay here, I have to go talk to him." Jumping off the sofa, he plants a quick kiss on my forehead that sends shivers down my spine and then runs out the door. I sit, dazed, for a few seconds before collecting my thoughts.

I should not be here.

James was just being his usual flirty self earlier, it didn't mean anything, it certainly didn't mean I could just dump myself at his house when things got rough at home. Albus clearly doesn't want me here either, I didn't see his face when he came in but the slamming of the door and James need to explain are proof he does not want me in his house. Lily probably has no idea who I am yet and Mrs Potter was probably just being polite. What was I thinking?

The rational part of my brain asks me where else could I have gone. It's not like I have many friends, in fact Scorpius is the only person I would actually classify as a friend and let's face it, I couldn't exactly go around his house, his father is friends with my father and he too would me disgusted with me let alone what Scorpius would say if I had to explain to him why I had randomly turned up out of the blue, besides, I think he is still angry with me for dancing with James instead of him. So all in all, I didn't really have a choice: Pendragon Place was the only other house address that came to mind.

So now that I am here, what am I going to do? Well to start with I should really sort out my face… I get up from the sofa and walk towards the door, it leads into a cosy kitchen where Mrs Potter is waving her wand at some mugs on the counter that are stirring themselves. She has her back to me but Lily, whom I recognise from earlier, is sitting at the table and looks up when I come in.

"Do you mind if I use the bathroom?" I ask weakly.

"Of course not my dear," Mrs Potter turns around. "It is just up the stairs and the second door on the right," she smiles affectionately and I feel a pang for my own mother – she may be controlling hag but I know that deep down she loves me.

"Thank you." I hastily climb the stairs and am in the process to opening the bathroom door when I hear them. Voices. They are coming from behind the door on the other side of the hall.

"I can't believe you James!" A voice hisses, "After everything you said… She is the daughter of a death eater!"

"I know that Al," James sighs.

"She in Slytherin!"

"Al, I know…"

"After everything you told me…"

"Al, listen, I'm sorry. I know how you feel about her but-"

"No. Clearly you don't because if you did you wouldn't have done it. You would not have kissed her James." Oh great, they are talking about me. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, it's not like you have ever been in-"

"But that's just it Al! I have never felt like this before, she affects me in a way no other girl ever has! I think… I think I might be falling for her Al." Oh Merlin.

"Don't. I don't believe you, you are a heartless bastard James, you would not be saying this if you knew how I really felt."

"Al, I'm sorry…"

"Forget it."

Crap.

I lunge across the hall as the door swings open, disappearing into the bathroom. He hates me. Albus Severus Potter hates me. Well that certainly clears one thing up for me: I am never going to tell anyone who the father of my child is.

"Viv…?" James knocks on the door; I grudgingly get up to open it. "Are you alright? Sorry, I just had to talk to Al, why are you in here?" He peers around the door and I burst into tears again. Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Viv, come here," he wraps his arms around me again and I sob into his already damp shirt.

"I'm sorry," I stutter.

"Hey, don't worry about it," he gently wipes a tear from my cheek, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. "You're safe here, Viv, I won't let anyone hurt you." This just makes me sob even harder. Oh Merlin why is he so perfect. "Come on, mum's made us some coco…" he kisses me on the top of my head before pulling me back into the hall.

"Wait," shoving him out, I close the bathroom door and turn to the mirror. My face is a disaster. The makeup the woman had so cleverly applied earlier was smudged and running down my face, my hair had fallen from its pins and was tangled across my shoulders and my emerald dress was crinkled shamefully. I hate not being able to use magic outside of school.

It takes me a few minutes to tidy myself up as much as possible before a huff a sigh of irritation and make my way back down stair to where James is waiting in the kitchen. He says nothing, just hands me a mug of steaming coco and sits down.

"I'm so sorry, James. I should never have come here." My voice is steady but hoarse from crying, he grabs my hand and pulls me down onto his lap and I simply don't have the will power to resist.

"Listen to me, Miss Nott, if you apologise one more time, I shall have to force feed you a tongue-tier from my uncle's shop," his face remains serious but I can see his eyes twinkling and a small giggle slips through my lips. "Miss Nott, I hope you don't think I am joking!" he says in mock horror, making me giggle further… It's not even that funny but I can't help myself.

"I'm terribly sorry Mr Potter,"

"Was that another apology Miss Nott?" My smile fades, I called him Potter, in my mind, 'Potter' has always been for Albus, not James, he was always just 'James'. This reminds me why I am here: because I am pregnant with Albus Potter's child. He sees my face fall and immediately thinks it's his fault.

"Viv…?" his forehead crinkle with worry.

"I should go…" I stare into my half empty mug and sigh. He nods, understanding that there are things I have to sort out. He leads me quietly to the fireplace and I have to hold back more tears.

"Promise me you'll come back when you can?"

"James…"

"Promise." He refuses to let go of my hand.

"James, your brother clearly doesn't want you here, your parents probably don't really want me here… I don't want to intrude…" I can feel my arguments are pointless.

"I'll deal with Al, my parents won't mind, I promise, you wouldn't be intruding at all… I need you to come back and let me know you're okay." I nod, hoping it's enough, I don't really have any intention of coming back and I think he knows it too.

"Good bye James," I choke.

"Bye, Viv," tilting my head up again, he kisses me lightly on the lips. "Come back to me," he whispers and I feel my heart break a little: how can I come back, it would only hurt him, he will eventually find out I am pregnant with someone else's baby… he will never want me then.

Before I can cry anymore, I throw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace and step into the flames, whispering 'Number 7, Perk Road'. As the green flames consume me, I look back to see James staring at my vanishing figure.

Zabini's living room comes into view and I stumble out, why didn't this come to mind earlier? His house is small and he lives alone, there is little furniture, only one rather old looking sofa, a broken clock and a desk with some papers and two photographs. After calling out his name and getting no answer I wander over to look at the photos, one shows him when he was younger, he is with an older looking woman who (although being white) looks very much like him – his mother I presume; the other one shows him when he was at school, a banner at the bottom reads 'The Slug Club 1996' the picture shows a group of students standing in rows, Zabini was at the back next to a dumb looking blonde guy, in front of him was a bushy haired girl who bore a remarkable resemblance to Rose (without the red hair), a man who could only be Mr Potter as he looks exactly like Albus and I little red haired witch who I assume is Mrs Potter because her eyes are the same warm brown as James'. The most astonishing thing about this photo is that Zabini is smiling. Never once have I seen Zabini smile, as I stare at it further, I notice he only smiles when the little red haired witch opens her mouth. How bizarre.

Snap.

I jump in fright as someone apparates behind me, whirling around I come face to face with Zabini. He glares at me and points to the sofa; I shuffle over to it and sit down.

"Miss Nott, I am pleased to find you here, I was not sure where you had gone to when you vanished in the fireplace. Your father as you may understand is very disappointed in you, he did not think you would disgrace him. You mother of course is also very upset but she is more willing to allow you back in the house. Your father on the other hand, has some conditions." Oh Merlin, this could not be good. "He requests that you inform him of the father of your child," he sneers at the word. "He also asks that you finish your fifth year at Hogwarts and inform everyone that you will be completing your education in Durmstrang Institute-"

"Durmstrang!" I exclaim.

"You will, of course, not actually be attending Durmstrang but remain in your house for you confinement. Lastly, he wishes that you tell no one of your situation." Having delivered these conditions, Zabini goes into the adjoining room which I assume is the kitchen.

Well now I have a problem: never, ever, shall I tell a soul who the father of my child is. The other two conditions I do not have a problem with, it is after all very believable that I will continue my education in Durmstrang, Slytherin students sometimes do and as for telling anyone about my situation, as Zabini puts it, I wasn't planning on doing that anyway.

"So, Miss Nott…" Zabini renters the room with a glass of firewhiskey. "Do you agree with your father's terms? I really don't see you have much choice."

"I have only an issue with one: the first one." Zabini looks as if he was expecting this, something about his face makes me wary.

"I see, your father thought you might have trouble with that one. He said if that was the case I was to bring you home anyway and we could discuss it there." Merlin help me, Zabini's voice is sinister and I am apprehensive as to what he means by 'discuss'. But like Zabini said, I don't really have a choice.


	4. Numb

**IV**

**Numb**

**_April_****_2022_**

I gasp as we land in the dining room: side along apparition is never much fun.

"Vivian!" my mother screams, running over and gathering me in her arms.

"Iris," my father's tone is warning and my mother immediately let go of me. "Sit down." I don't dare refuse his order so I take a seat at the dining table, my mother sits down next to me and Zabini and my father sit opposite. "So, I assume that you are here because you have agreed to my conditions?"

"Only the first was does she have a problem with, as you anticipated." Zabini's eyes gleam in the dull light from the fire.

"Did you bring what I requested," a humourless smile flickers across my father's face.

"Of course," Zabini reaches into his cloak and pulls out a tiny glass vial. As he shows it to my father, my mother lets out a whimper.

"Would you be so kind as to get my daughter a glass of water," Zabini disappears into the kitchen and returns moments later with a glass of water in his hands, the vial has disappeared. I look at it suspiciously. He places the glass before me and then returns to his seat. "Have a drink, Vivian." Never have I wanted a drink less, I do not trust either my father or Zabini in the slightest and I am positive that whatever is in that glass, it is not just water.

"I'm not thirsty," I mutter in vain, I know it will be no use: they will make me drink it, whatever it is.

"Vivian, my dear," my father leans across the table, his voice void of affection. "I said, have a drink." I have no choice, I lift the glass to my lips and take a sip. It tastes and smells just like water. "And another one, Vivian." I sigh and finish the glass in one swing. "Very good."

Beside me my mother has her head on her arms, whimpering noises escape her as I drink. My father ignores her entirely.

"Now, Vivian," he smiles at me again. "Who is the father of your unborn child?" I know at once what I have just drunken and I am powerless against it. There is an antidote but I do not carry it on me, I am powerless to resist.

"Albus Severus Potter." Veritaserum: the truth telling potion. Illegal without Ministry consent but that would never have stopped my father.

I look up when my father does not respond. He is staring at me in shock, I suppose he did not expect my reply. Even my mother ceases her whimpering and looks up.

"Potter? Albus Potter?" she stutters.

"Yes." My father still says nothing, Zabini is watching him – as if ready to hold him back should he explode again. I sigh, I wonder what on earth he is going to do now that he knows.

"_Potter_," he hisses. Oh Merlin, he is not impressed. "_Potter_," he hisses again.

"Albus Potter," I cannot help myself, I don't know if it is the Veritaserum or just me. Suddenly, my father gets up and disapparates. Zabini frowns and my mother looks worried: neither have a clue where he might have gone nor do they have anyway of finding out. After an awkward silence, I decide that there is no point in me hanging around. "Excuse me, I think I'm going to go to bed now," Zabini nods absentmindedly and mother looks at the clock.

"Three o'clock!" she gasps in alarm, doesn't time travel fast when you're having fun.

"Mrs Nott, if you don't mind, I think I will go home. Let me know of any further developments." Zabini too stands up and disapparates. Mother shoos me up the stairs in front of her.

"Good night, Vivian, we will talk more in the morning." I strip off my emerald dress and hang it in the closet (it will need some serious skill to decrease it) and remove the last remaining pins from my hair. Crashing onto the bed I toss and turn; the pain of my father's remarks – _filthy harlot and a common whore_ – echo around my head and my face burns with shame. What have I done?

The next two days pass in a trance like state, my father has not returned and my mother just sits in the kitchen drinking cup after cup of tea (which I am sure has a hint of firewhiskey in it). I have resorted to wandering aimlessly through the many rooms of our house thinking of nothing in particular. I have managed to resist my burning desire to run back into James' arms but that does not mean I do not think of him when I lie wake at night. If James had not been Albus' brother then perhaps I would not have fought so hard against my emotions but he is and as such, there is no future for us.

Albus Severus Potter: archenemy of my best friend, brother of the boy I love and father of my unborn child.

Albus Severus Potter: the boy who hates me.

"Vivian?" my mother calls weakly up the stairs.

"Yes?" I walk into the hallway to hear her.

"Have you packed your trunk?"

"Yes," I lie (the Veritaserum wore of after the first night). Wandering back into my room, I begin to mechanically pack my trunk for Hogwarts, this will be my last term there and I feel sad at the thought. I may not have always enjoyed school but it was a huge part of my life and it will be weird not having it there anymore, it was practically a second home.

The following day at eleven o'clock, finds me standing in the fog on Platform 9¾ watching the crowd of families rush past. I have a sudden image of myself, in eleven years from now, hastily kissing a child goodbye and shooing them onto the train. With all that has happened I have never really thought about what it will be like actually _having_ a child. Absentmindedly, my hand creeps to my stomach; it seems utterly amazing that there is a human child growing inside me. The train toots and at last I climb aboard. There is no one here to see me off, my father has still not returned and my mother claims she has a headache.

Emotions have become too hard to deal with so I have simply shut them out. I feel nothing anymore, no sadness, no pain, nothing. I walk slowly up the emptying corridor, past compartments full of chattering students, I do not stop, just keep walking until I reach the front of the train. When I get there, I turn around and walk back. I don't know what I'm doing, I just feel numb.

After a few hours of wandering, I settle myself in one of the toilets. Ignoring the banging on the door of students wishing to use the loo, I change into my school robes. I remain there for the rest of the journey until I can feel the train pull up at Hogsmeade station. Merging into the throng of students taking carriages up to the castle, I find myself beside some rather intimidated third years. I hardly notice them but one in particular seems to be looking at me. I turn to glare at her and find myself looking into the eyes of Lily Potter. Her eyes are so like James' it sends a pang through my numbed body. I look away quickly, I cannot afford to feel anything for James Potter.

As I come into the Entrance Hall, Zabini approaches me.

"Miss Nott, how was your holiday?" he asks politely, steering us away from the crowd. I don't bother to reply as I know he is not really interested, besides he already knows most of what happened. "Have you heard from your father?" he asks once we are out of earshot.

"No, he still hasn't come home."

"Right, okay, well…" Zabini does not really look concerned, in fact Zabini never really looks _anything_.

"My mother is not doing so well," I inform him to fill the silence.

"Oh, dear," he says blandly. "Look, have you told anyone about your _condition_?" I shake my head. "No one? Not even Potter?"

"Potter? Why on earth would I tell him?"

"He _is_ the father," oh, _that _Potter. No, I haven't told any of the Potters, neither do I plan too. The sooner I leave this school the better. "Right, well for now I think it best you leave it that way." I nod and then turn to go, he does not stop me.

"Hey, Viv," someone calls. "Oi Vivian!" she shouts when I don't react, I turn around slowly to see Violet coming towards me. "You alright?" She does not even bother to wait for an answer. "What did Zabini want?"

"To see how my holiday was," it was partly true. She looks crest fallen as if she had been expecting something juicy.

"Oh," she looks as though she might turn away but then she remembers something. "Oh, Viv, I forgot to ask you, I saw you dancing with that Potter kid at the Ministry, I thought you said there was nothing going on between you and the Potters." Oh, Vi, if only you knew.

"There isn't." My voice is cold and she can tell she is not going to get anything out of me so she leaves me alone. I'm not hungry and have no desire to sit through the Headmaster's speeches so I make my way down to the common room and my dormitory.

A couple of house-elves scamper from the room as I come in and throw myself on the bed: this is going to be a long term. A 'crack' alerts me to the return of one of the house-elves.

"I'm ever so sorry, Mistress Nott but Master Potter bade me give you this," the elf sunk into a bow at my bedside, holding out a letter. I grudgingly take it and he vanishes again.

_Astronomy Tower, midnight._

Is all the letter reads, oh James, why do you have to make it so hard? I roll over and try to fall back to sleep, it comes to be in bursts but when midnight arrives, I am awake. _Crack_. I jump up, terrified my father has at last come to kill me but I cannot see anything in the darkness. None of my roommates appear to have been woken up and I almost settle back down again when someone tugs at my sleeve.

"Mistress Nott, Master Potter sent me to get you," it is only the house-elf from earlier, I breathe out in relief.

"Well tell Master Potter that he has no business with me in the middle of the night…" the house-elf doesn't seem to be listening.

"I'm begging your pardon Mistress Nott but-" he grabs my sleeve again and I feel a tugging sensation in my stomach. Seconds later I find myself on top of the astronomy tower.

"What the-"

"Viv, I'm sorry, I had to see you," James gathers me in his arms. I can't help it: the hurt and confusion that I shut out come flooding back in and I burst into tears. James must think I am insane, crying whenever he is trying to be nice. "Viv… Viv… Viv…" he whispers into my hair. He is so comforting, so gentle, so perfect. He kisses my hair, my forehead, my nose, my lips… Oh Merlin.

The kiss is so perfect, so completely void of bitterness or regret. I loose myself in it, letting it deepen until I forget where I am. In the back of my mind, someone screams at me how wrong this is but I don't listen. The summer breeze, warm for so far North, catches at my robes; his hands entwine themselves in my hair as I press closer to him. Oh James…


	5. Kisses

**V**

**Kisses**

**_April_****_2022_**

"VIVIAN IRIS NOTT! Get your fat ass out of bed this minute!" I drag the pillow over my head to block out the horrific sound. Someone pulls the covers off my bed, my leg is tangled in the sheets and they manage to drag me off with it.

"Shit," I curse.

"Come on missy, we need to make you presentable," looking up, I put a face to the horrific noise: Violet Briggs. "There is a rather charming young man waiting outside the common room for you and you wouldn't want to keep him waiting now, would you?"

"I'm asleep," I pull myself and my duvet back onto the bed and burry my face in the pillow.

"Oh no you don't," Vi summons my duvet across the room and sends a jet of water from the tip of her wand straight into my face.

"What the-" I splutter.

"Get dressed, Potter is waiting for you outside," Vi grins, shoving my school robes at me.

"Potter? Which one?"

"Which one? How many Potters are you secretly dating?"

"Dating? None," I reply truthfully, pulling on my robes.

"Whatever you say…" I can tell she doesn't believe me but for once I'm actually telling the truth. I can tell I'm not going to get any more out of her so go into the bathroom to sort out my face and hair. Several minutes later, Vi is pushing me down the stairs towards the exit. I briefly make eye contact with Scorpius who raises an eyebrow, I shrug.

"Viv," someone calls as I tumble from the wall. I look up into the smiling face of James Potter. Vi's words echo in my head _'…secretly dating…'_ please tell me James does not think we are dating. He comes over to me but thankfully doesn't try anything.

"James, what are you doing here?"

"Just came to say hello," he winks at me. Oh merlin this cannot be good. We wander up to the Great Hall together, chatting about seemingly insignificant things and I find myself laughing for the first time since I found out I was pregnant.

As we push past a gaggle of third years coming out of the Hall, James grabs me round the waist and kisses the back of my head. Oh Merlin.

"James…" it was meant to be a warning but it came out in a distorted giggle.

"Yes, Miss Nott?" He whirls me round so I'm facing him, not letting go of me as he does so. He grins down at me and I cannot help grinning back. We stand there, looking stupid, for Merlin knows how long before my stomach gets bored and makes a rumbling sound, reminding me I am hungry. James giggles and kisses me quickly on the lips before shoving me in the direction of the Slytherin table.

Oh crap. Oh no. James Potter did not just kiss me in front of all the students in the Great Hall (which at this time in the morning is the majority of students in the school). This cannot be happening to me.

I stumble over to the Slytherin table where everyone has broken out into whispers. I take no notice, my mind is reeling. Why is my life so complicated? A few moments later, someone sits down beside me, I look up to see Scorpius. He does not know. I can see it in his face: he has no idea.

"You alright, Viv? Looking a bit pale," he asks. Guilt consumes me, Scorpius is my best friend, my _only_ friend and I have betrayed him. Staring at him blankly, I try not to panic. Scorpius is going to hate me when he finds out, he hates the Potters.

"You know you're my best friend don't you," it just slips out; I blush and hang my head forward to cover my face with my hair. Merlin I sound stupid.

"Sure, Viv, and you're mine," he says, sounding a little confused. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I mutter at my cereals.

Defence Against the Dark Arts passes far too quickly, Professor Creevey jabbers on about something the Chosen One did during the Second Wizarding War and we are supposed to be taking notes. The Ravenclaws are uncharacteristically distracted and every so often one of them turns around to look at me. Scorpius is sitting next to me, still completely oblivious to what everyone is talking about. When the lesson ends, I grudgingly follow the rest of the Slytherins down to the dungeons for Potions. If Zabini puts me on a table with Potter… I will kill him.

"Miss Nott, would you be so kind as to assist me?" Zabini beckons as he walks into his study, I follow him in and he closes the door behind us. "I think it best if you remain on the table with Potter and the Weasleys, to move you again might rose suspicions."

"Professor, I really don't think that is a good idea…"

"You will do as you are told Miss Nott, I simply wanted to remind you that it would be best if you do not tell Mr Potter about your _situation_ just yet."

"Yet? I don't plan on ever telling him!"

"We shall see," Zabini mummers, piling boxes of ingredients into my arms. I glare at him as he walks back out the door.

Taking my seat next to Potter and his cousins, I can feel every eye in the room watching me. Well this is going to be a fun lesson. Rose Weasley shoots daggers at me as I sit down and Roxanne looks disgusted. Potter on the other hand appears to be the only person in the room _not_ looking at me. I can feel my cheeks turn an uncharacteristic red, I have never been the centre of attention anywhere and I can't say I like it.

No one at our table says a word whereas the rest of the class are whispering none stop. I am desperate to run out of the classroom but don't as I know it will only aggravate the situation. Across the room I see Bulstrode leaning over the table to whisper in Scorpius' ear, Scorpius' face turns from curious to complete shock. He catches me looking but I can read nothing in his grey eyes. Oh Scorp, I'm so sorry.

The rest of the day is uneventful, I manage to avoid James at lunch by sneaking out to the grounds and hiding by the lake; no one directly speaks to me and I speak to no one; during lessons I keep my head down at the back of the classroom and by the end of the day, the whispers that follow me wherever I walk have subdued somewhat, although have not entirely disappeared. I am making my way up to my dormitory when I hear him.

"NOTT!" Zabini screams across the common room causing everyone to break out into whispers again. "My office, now," he hisses. Sighing, I follow him out of the common room and to his office off the Potions' classroom. "Are you out of your mind?" He yells as soon as I shut the door. "James POTTER! Asides from the fact you are carrying his brother's _spawn_, you are aware I hope of what your parents – your father especially – think about the Potters?"

True, my father hates the Potter family (something to do with when he was at school with Mr Potter) but my mother actually quite like them and I think she would be overjoyed that I was dating a Potter boy… under normal circumstances of course.

"There is some kind of misunderstanding…"

"There had _better _be, Miss Nott, because you are in enough trouble as it is," he spits at me.

"…James Potter and I are not an item," I finish. "I assume that is what you were referring to?" Zabini looks like he wants to hit me.

"Good, then perhaps you will like to tell him that because he seemed very certain you were." Oh great, now I am in real trouble. I nod and make to leave. "Oh and Miss Nott," he calls as I traverse through the tables in the Potions room, "I thought you might like to know your father has returned home."

The door to the dormitory creeks open and I pretend to be asleep (even though it is only eight o'clock).

"What did Zabini want _this _time?" Vi asks, clearly ignoring the fact I'm pretending to be asleep. There is something about the way she emphasise 'this' that puts me on my guard.

"What do you mean," I ask hesitantly.

"Nothing, you just seem to be talking an awful lot with him lately, is there something going on you want to tell me about?" Oh great, now Violet Briggs, the biggest gossip in the school, suspects there is something going on in my life that no one except Zabini knows about.

"Nope." Her smirk does not fade and I wonder what kind of bizarre scenario she is conjuring up in her head… however wild it may be, I doubt she will ever guess the truth.

Midnight finds me on top of the Astronomy Tower for the second night in a row and as I suspected, James appears out of nowhere. He grins at me and I force myself to look away: looking at him will only make what I have to do even harder.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away much longer, we are too good to-" I cut him off before he can finish.

"James, I can't do this," I clench my jaws to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

"Do what?" he looks down at me, confusion on his perfect face.

"This," I wave my hand between us. "I can't do _us_, James."

"But… why?"

"I just… can't. It's too hard." He searches my eyes for clues and finds none. I have prepared myself for this, I hardly slept at all last night, my mind alive with worry that I would not be able to see it through. I remember my family's honour. "I'm sorry," my voice is a whisper and I have to look away.

He looks hurt, like I have never seen him before. James Potter has never showed any emotion other than happiness, never – since the first time I saw him when I was boarding the Hogwarts Express five years ago – have I ever seen him look hurt. His face has fallen, his eyes look dull and closed, it takes all my will power not to try and kiss away the pained expression on his beautiful face.

"Viv…?" his eyes do not leave my face as he silently begs me for an explanation. I can give him none.

"I'm sorry," the words are forced, I cannot bear it anymore. Turning away from him, I run – I don't care where – I just have to get away from him. Oh Merlin, why did I ever have to meet a Potter boy? I end up at the shore of the lake, not stopping, I continue to follow the shoreline until I am deep within the Forbidden Forest. At last I come to a halt and, collapsing against a tree, I finally let the tears roll down my face.

The forest is deathly quiet, we are not really supposed to enter it but this is not the first time I have found comfort within its branches. The stillness is peaceful, you are never disturbed… Apparently there was once a time when strange creature roamed these paths but they were gone by the time I came here, either that or they had taken to hiding from intruders. The ancient trees reach up to the sky like a child reaches up to its mother; at this time of year, a thin carpet of moss lies on the ground; this far into the forest, not even the wind can disturb its tranquillity.

I do not know how long I stay leaning against the tree, letting the tears slide down but when at last I make my way back to the castle, the blurred edges of the horizon tell me the sun has already set. No one stirs as I walk blindly back to the common room, even the portraits are silent. I whisper the password to the wall and slip inside.

"Vivian…?" I freeze. "Viv? It's me… Scorp." Oh, Scorpius… I thought I had cried all the tears I could today but apparently not: as I feel Scorpius fold me in his arms, they gush from my eyes again. "Hey, Viv, shh… it will be okay," he mummers into my hair.

"I'm so messed up Scorp, you have no idea…"

"Shh… come on, tell me then." Why was he being so nice? I had kissed his archenemy (or one of them anyway) in front of almost the whole school. He pulls me gently over to one of the low-backed leather sofas and cradles me in his arms.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? This is the second time in less than a month that I have found myself crying in the arms of a man whilst cuddled up on a sofa.

"I'm… I'm pregnant…" I sob. I know I shouldn't tell him but I can't keep it to myself anymore.

"You're _what_?" Oh Merlin, he is going to hate me now too.

"I'm sorry, Scorp, it was an accident, I never meant for it to happen."

He pulls me back down to his chest as I continue to cry, this isn't right… he is supposed to be disgusted with me, hate me even.

"Shh, of course it was an accident, we all make mistakes Viv, I'm just shocked… how long have you been with James?"

"It- it's not his," I hide my face in shame. "It's his brother's." Well if he knows I'm pregnant, he might as well know everything. He laughs – I don't know what I was expecting but it definitely was not _that_. "It's not funny!" I exclaim, outraged that he finds my problems _funny_.

"I'm sorry Viv," he giggles and I can't help it – a snort escapes me. Within seconds we both have tears of laughter streaming down our faces.

"I'm pregnant, with Albus Potter's baby…" I gasp; suddenly my whole _situation_ (as Zabini puts it) seems so ridiculous that it _is_ funny.

Scorpius suddenly becomes serious again.

"I saw James earlier… He seemed so happy... He must be so torn up, no one has ever seen him this happy because of a girl before, he normally doesn't care one way or the other... If it had this effect on you-" He indicates to the tear tracks on my face. "- he must be even worse, it's a shame really, for him to finally find a girl who he is genuinely happy with and for it to end so abruptly without a reason - or at least that he knows of." At the mention of James, my heart falls again.

"I had to do it, Scorp, I couldn't just pretend that everything was okay, could I? He can't ever find out, promise me you won't ever tell him," I beg him. "It would kill him."

"Viv… he will find out at some point, I mean Albus will have to tell him," I frown, Scorpius hates the Potters, why is he so relaxed about this, why is he referring to them by their first names without any hint of anger or aggression?

"He doesn't know, I don't want him to know…" I explain to Scorpius about my father's conditions and the plan for my future. He stares at me, dumbstruck.

"Viv… you _have_ to tell him. He has a _right _to know." Since when had Scorpius cared what rights Potter has? "If it were me… I would want to know."

"Scorp…"

"Look, how about we both get some sleep and we talk about this in the morning, it's a Hogsmeade weekend, we can go and talk somewhere away from everyone." I nod in agreement and make my way to my dormitory where all the girls are fast asleep.


	6. Honour

**Chapter Six – Honour**

**_May_****_2022_**

Scorpius throws an arm over my shoulder as we make our way down the lane to Hogsmeade, the weather is really rather warm for so far North and I end up carrying my cloak over my arm. Scorpius cleverly left his behind but offers to carry mine anyway, I refuse, telling him I was _pregnant_ not _dying_ and that he didn't have to tread on eggshells around me. This made him laugh and ruffle my hair. I love Scorpius, he is like the brother I never had – he knows everything about me, from the way I like my cereal to the fact that I am pregnant.

Hogsmeade is a quiet little village, even with the hordes of students who have come down from the castle today. We pass several shops packed with students, avoid Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop and make our way up to the Hog's Head. Scorpius orders two butterbeers and we sit down at a small table in the corner.

"So… what are we going to do with you?" he smiled kindly.

"Hang me from the nearest tree?" Seriously, it would solve all my problems.

"Funny," he pulled a face. "I really do think you should tell Albus though, I mean he really has a right to know."

"Scorp, you don't understand, Albus _hates_ me…" I quickly fill him in on the basics of my visit to Pendragon Place and the conversation I overheard there. He frowns and says something along the lines of 'I don't think Albus _hates_ you…' I am about to tell him that Zabini and my father don't want anyone to know, including him probably, when someone shouts my name from the bar.

"Vivian!" I spin around on my seat to see my father and Zabini sitting at the bar. "I was told I would find you here, we need to have a little chat," my father beckons me over. I glance at Scorpius and he just smiles briefly.

"Yes father?" I am so glad there are no other students in this pub yet.

"Sit," he pulls out a bar stool. I sit tentatively on the edge and wait for my father to speak. "It has all been sorted, you will be able to continue your education without disgrace. Blaise has cleared it with the Headmaster and everything is settled…" He seems proud of himself… much too proud of himself. "All you need to do is take the portkey at the allotted time."

"Sit," he pulls out a bar stool. I sit tentatively on the edge and wait for my father to speak. "What you have done has soiled the name of Nott forever…" I clench my jaw, hoping my shame does not show on my face, I may not agree with everything my father says or does but since I was born, family honour has been ground into my very being. That I have ruined the name of Nott is almost unbearable. "There is, however, a way to minimalize the _damage, _so to speak…" He sips his firewhiskey. "Tell me, Vivian, are you willing to do what is required of you to rescue your family's honour?" I swallow and nod. "_Whatever _it take?"

"Father, you're not-" a horrible idea washes through me, is my father trying to force me into an abortion? Is his shame so deep that he will force me into killing my child? "Father, I won't do it, I will not kill an innocent baby!"

"Kill? Who said anything about killing? No Vivian, this is something else…" I sit, fixed to the stool as my father explains to me the solution he has spent day trying to make possible. I am so shocked I cannot form a response, at first the idea seems to absurd that I wonder if he is being serious… My gut reaction is to refuse point blank but he reminds me that I brought the shame on myself and this is the only way to fix what I have done. "It has all been sorted, you will be able to continue your education without disgrace. Blaise has cleared it with the Headmaster and everything is settled… So will you take the portkey and redeem the name of Nott? Zabini will sort you out and when you get there, everything will be ready."

I swallow again but the thought of being able to look my father in the eye once more – knowing that I have done what I could to restore the family pride – overcomes my apprehension of what he is proposing. I exhale as I make the biggest decision of my life.

"Yes." The irony of my situation causes the satirically part of me to smirk – I should really be saying yes to someone else. Relief washes over his face, he honestly thought I would refuse him. Clenching me jaws to stop myself changing my mind, I ignore the twisting in my gut. "If he has agreed then so shall I."

"Thank you Vivian," he nods and turns back to Zabini, dismissing me.

I return to Scorpius and evade his questions – he will only make me change my mind if I tell him. When he sees he will get nothing from me and our conversation is no longer flowing he suggests we return to the castle, which I readily agree to. I need time to think.

"Vivian!" Oh Merlin, this time I do not have to turn around to know who has called my name, I would recognise that voice anywhere. "Viv, wait, I need to talk to you." Scorpius shrugs and walks off as James comes running up the lane towards us.

"James, I-"

"No, listen to me, I know there is something going on with you and I have no idea what it is but if you could just tell me I would be able to help you, please Viv, I can't bear not being with you… Vivian Iris Nott, I think I'm in love with you."

Oh sweet Merlin why are you doing this to me? A thousand emotions course through my veins, it cannot be possible to feel so much at once. The promise I just made to me father hangs heavy in the air between us.

"James…" I have to do this, there is no other way. "I am pregnant." He stares at me, froze to the spot. We stand there in silence for a few awkward minutes.

"Viv… we could… I could…we-"

"It's your brother's," I _really_ need to stop referring to Albus as 'James' brother' it is just a bit weird, especially considering… James' jaw actually drops. "I'm sorry," I say coldly, before turning and walking back towards Scorpius.

Neither of us says anything as we walk back to the school but the second I am out of sight of James, I let the tears run down my cheeks. Scorpius just puts his arm around me a pulls me into a hug.

"It was for the best Viv," he reassures me: I'm not so sure. How can this emptiness inside me possible be for the best?

When we finally get back to the school, I go straight to my dorm and curl up on my bed. Scorpius knows I need some time alone and goes in search of his mates. As night crawls in, Vi comes up to the dorm.

"Wow, Viv, you've got a lot going for you… three guys at once, that's almost as many as Miri's got." I am completely bewildered by her statement but I am in no mood to discuss my love life (or lack thereof) right now, so I just ignore her. I spend the rest of the day lying on my bed, deep in thought, sometimes I am tempted to owl my father and tell him I have changed my mind but reason prevents me… I fall asleep with the words _'family honour' _twirling around in my thoughts.

The next few days pass in a blur, Scorpius does what he can to be there for me; James just turns around and leaves every time I come into the same room or corridor as him; whispers continue to follow me where ever I go and I seem to have picked up the nickname 'the girl who broke James Potter's heart' which suggests James hasn't told anyone about my _situation_ (Merlin, I sound like Zabini).

During a Potions lesson, Zabini calls me into his office.

"Right, your father has made all the arrangements; all you need to do is touch the portkey just before nine o'clock tomorrow morning. Everything else has been sorted." By now I have accepted what my fate is to be and I hardly care: loosing James has affected me in a way I didn't think was possible. I nod and take the portkey he holds out to me – it is a small golden ring – and slip it into my pocket.

When the lesson ends I go straight back to my bed and close the curtains – something I never did before – and lie there, waiting for sleep to find me. I have not eaten in almost a week.

"You know, you and Zabini really need to make it a little less obvious, I mean sneaking out of lessons for a quickie in his office… could you _be_ more cliché?" Vi's voice comes from the other side of the curtains.

"I beg your pardon?" I ask, peering between the velvety green cloth.

"You and Professor Zabini… it is _so_ obvious."

"What is?"

"That you're having an affair!" She rolls her eyes at me, as if this was just a normal occurrence in her everyday life.

"That we are having a-" I can't help it, the idea is so absolutely absurd I can't help but laugh. "You- you think- Oh Merlin," I giggle, gripping my side as I almost fall off the bed with laughter. "Me and- me and _Zabini_?"

"Well, yeah. The whole school it talking about it, I always knew there was something going on between you two: you were always sneaking off to have little chats… What is so funny?" She stares at me in confusion.

"That you think me and Zabini are having an affair…" I laugh as she continues to frown.

"You mean… you _aren't_ having an affair with him?"

"Zabini is my father's _friend_, he's like fifty… well maybe not quite fifty but he is _old_!" I stagger up, suddenly hungry. "I'm going to get something to eat… have fun think up absurd situations Vi," I laugh again as I walk out the room, leaving a bewildered Vi staring after me.

When I come down to the common room, Scorpius looks up and I crack again. He rushes over to me to see if I'm alright – he must think I'm metal.

"Vi- Vi thinks- Vi thinks I'm having- an affair- with _Zabini-_" I choke out between bursts of laughter. When I have recovered enough to be understood, I repeat myself and Scorpius grins.

"Didn't you know? You're the talk off the school," he winks. "First Potter, then Zabini… some people are saying I'm your next victim," he grins, it must be a relief for him to see me laugh again.

"Oh Merlin, I may have a slightly twisted life but this? What do they take me for? A serial shagger?"

"No… that's Miri, I think they just think you're a heartbreaker," he smirks. He helps me down the rest of the stairs and leads me out the common room.

"Where are you taking me?" I ask as he leads me down a passageway I didn't even know existed.

"To the kitchens, you look hungry," trust Scorp to know exactly what I want. He stops in front of a portrait of a bowl of fruit and starts scratching at a pear. The pear squirms and giggles, forming into a door knob, causing me to giggle again. He pushes me through the portrait and I find myself in a large room, the size of the Great Hall with five corresponding tables. I am too hungry to pay much attention to my surroundings.

"Master Malfoy, it is a pleasure to see you again, is Mistress We-" Scorpius stops the elf before it can finish and asks for some food for Mistress Nott. The elf runs off and returns a few minutes later with an assortment of foods.

"Steady on, Viv, your stomach won't like it if you eat too much at once," Scorpius warns me, I take no heed and stuff as much food in my mouth as I can. "Suit yourself," he mutters.

We sit in silence for a while, me munching my way through a ridiculous amount of food as he just sips at a butterbeer the elf brought for him.

"How did you find this place?" I ask at last.

"Ah, now that would be telling," he taps the side of his nose. "So, tell me what _did_ Zabini want earlier, if it wasn't a quick shag?" he flashes his unnaturally white teeth at me. I stick my tongue out at him before recapping my meeting with Zabini. We are both left wondering what on earth my father has planned for me.

"Urgh, I'm full," I moan, Scorpius laughs and gives me his 'I-hate-to-say-I-told-you-so' face. We make our way back to the common room, everyone seems to have gone to their dorms already, only a seventh year couple are sitting, kissing, in the corner. I say goodnight to Scorpius and go up to my dorm – luckily Vi is asleep.

The morning of the arrangement with my father arrives in a torrent of rain; I crawl out of bed and run to the bathroom. Gross, I haven't vomited since I was five. I quickly jump in the shower before anyone else wakes up and make myself presentable – my mother always said that whatever you do, if you do it looking good, the result will be much better. I have never listen to her words before but today it seems like the only thing I _can_ do to prepare myself for what is to be my fate.

Once I have towel dried my hair and applied my make-up, I change into my casual robes. I then make my way the Great Hall, I am one of the first ones there as most students sleep in on Saturday mornings. Sitting at the Slytherin table I munch my way through a bowl of cereal, thinking of my life until now – my life as Vivian Iris Nott. Not long after, Scorpius comes to join me.

"I really think you should let me come with you," he starts up our argument from last night.

"Scorp, I really don't think that's going to be a very good idea… my father doesn't know you know I'm pregnant and I would like to keep it that way."

"But-"

"No buts, Mr Malfoy, you will do as you're told." I tap him on the nose with my spoon and he surrenders, looking glum. "I'll be fine, I'm always fine."

As nine o'clock approached, I pulled out the little gold ring from my pocket and place it on the table.

"What's that?" Scorpius asks, leaning over to have a better look.

"The portkey." He studies it closely, looks at me, then looks back to the ring.

"Viv…" he starts warily and I can see an idea forming in his mind but before he can figure it out and stop me, the ring glows slightly and I grab onto it as it transports me to goodness knows where.

The spitting of rain greets me as I scramble up from the cold, wet floor. All around me, the landscape is made up of different shades of grey: grey sky, grey buildings, grey road. Well actually, there are not that many buildings, the hazy rain obstructs my view but I can only make out a small, pointed structure a little way down the stony road. As there is nothing else visible to me, I head towards it.

"Vivian…?" A cloaked figure calls, they are stood in the shadows and I cannot make out their features.

"Yes," as I get closer, the figure takes on the form of my father. "Father," I greet him.

"Hurry up, they are waiting." Again, I force myself to breath: I cannot back out know. I run the last few meters until I am face to face with my father, he takes my arm and leads me to a small wooden door at the front of the building. The doors open magically as we approach and we step inside.

It is even darker inside than it is out, the windows block out the little light there is and the few candles I can see only serve to cast more shadows. There only appears to be one room, with rows of benches on either side of a passageway. I can just about make out three figures: my mother, standing almost across the room from me; a man with black hair and his back to me and an old looking wizard holding a book.

My father does not let go of my arm as he begins to walk towards the man and old wizard. The whispers ceased and my mother turned to look at us – she has tears streaming down her face. I steady continue to breathe steadily, telling myself that I must do what is necessary, that I must not disgrace the name of Nott again… the name of Nott.

The man at the front is the only one not looking at me.

At last, when we are just behind him, the man turns around. His black hair is untidy and hangs partially over his almond shaped green eyes, there is little emotion across his handsome face but his stance gives of an air of determination. Albus Severus Potter.

My father takes my hand and places it in Potter's out stretched one and I prepare myself to seal my fate. Determination seeps from Potter's hand into mine as the wizard places his own on top of our entwined ones. _This is my choice_, I remind myself.

"Ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls…" The old wizard in front of us begins after my father takes his place beside my mother, his voice is croaky.

My father explained to me that there was only one way to redeem the name of Nott: marriage. The thought of his daughter bearing a bastard child was one too awful to contemplate so he had spent days making the necessary arrangements for Potter and I to be wed. He knew that I too valued the family's honour and he hoped it was enough for me to understand the necessity of marriage.

To those people who cannot comprehend why I am marrying a man I hardly know for something that has no material value let me explain to you that family honour is something more, something much more, than simply something rich people like to gossip about. Your family is at the core of you, without it you are nothing – you would not exist; your family is more important than friendship or love because your family is there for you no matter what, they are irrevocably linked to you by blood and blood is a stronger tie than anything else. It is for that reason that I am marrying Albus Severus Potter – because since I was a child, my parents have impressed upon me the importance of family and I owe them everything I have. It is for that reason that I will do what it takes to redeem the honour and respect of my family so that my family does not have to look upon me with shame.

I turn to face Potter as the wizard continues.

"Do you, Albus Severus, take Vivian Iris…"I study Potter's face, it is void of emotion and I wonder what on earth made _him_ agree to marry me, I mean my father persuading me is one thing but for my father to persuade Potter is another. The wizard continues to talk, Potter makes his vows and so do I.

"Do you have the ring?" the wizard asks. I pull out the small gold ring that had minutes before brought me here as a portkey and slip it onto Potter's finger.

"…then I declare you bonded for life." Potter leans forward and kisses me briefly on the lips – as is custom – I do not pull away.

The door of the chapel slams open and in sync, Potter and I turn to face the intruder.

James is standing in the door way, his face looks broken, like someone has destroyed his soul. My heart breaks at the sight of him and I close my eyes tight and turn my face away, family honour may be a powerful motive but it does not prevent your heart from breaking. He is disgusted, appalled by what I have done… he hates me, like I always knew he would. I hear the door bang in the wind and know James has gone – gone without a word. I collapse on the floor. My whole world shatters before me and I know, deep down, that my heart will never really be whole again.

* * *

**Author's Note:**** Thank you so much 'cwtsh' for pointing out I had completely the wrong chapter up here, sorry to anyone who that completely confused! Well let me know what you think and if you have any questions or want to see pictures of my characters, check out my blog (link of profile page) ~ GirlOnTheSidelines x**


	7. Hollow

**VII**

**Hollow**

**_May_****_2022_**

I sense Potter crouch down beside me but I turn my face away, I know it is not his fault and that I that I am as much to blame – if not more – than he is but I can't help but wish it was James in his place. My mother strokes my hair and I can hear see my father's feet a meter or so away.

"Come, Iris, we must leave," his voice is quiet but firm. Reluctantly, my mother follows him out and I am left alone with Albus Potter: my husband (the wizard has disapparated). Neither of us speaks: I remain crumpled on the floor and he takes a seat behind me on the step, taking my mother's place as he runs his hand through my hair. I have no idea how we are supposed to get back… no sooner is the thought in my mind than the ring on my finger begins to glow again, I know without looking that the corresponding ring on Potter's finger is doing the same.

I let myself fall to the ground again – the shock of the look on James' face still washing through my body – and look up to see Hogwarts Castle appear out of the mist, the warm spell has left and there is now a chill in the air. A cloaked figure makes his way towards us and I look up into the face of Zabini. He takes one look at me and unclasps his cloak, throwing it around me – it does little to warm me. No one says anything as both he and Potter pick me up of the ground, supporting me with an arm around my waist. They struggle up to the castle and through the Entrance Hall; in the back of my mind I wonder why there are no students about.

Madame Pomfrey fusses over me when they bring me into the hospital wing, I hear Zabini inform her of my _condition_ but I no longer care. She strips me down to my underwear and summons a nightshift, she then lays me down on a bed and pulls the covers up, casting spells on the sheets to warm them. Potions are forced down my throat and I hear Zabini take his leave.

It feels like hours but it could just be minutes, Potter remains seated on a stool next to my bed even after Madame Pomfrey leaves, informing him I will be alright. I am not convinced, there is a hollowness inside me that feels like it will never be filled again. The door slams open and someone runs in.

"Viv, I'm so sorry… it's all my fault, I guessed when I saw the ring but you had already gone, I couldn't find you Viv… then Roxie said Albus had left at round about the same time… I am so sorry…" Scorpius gasps for breath when he reaches my bed, he looks flustered and upset. "Oh… Viv." I roll onto my side, turning away from him. I do not want to talk. "What the hell!" Scorpius shouts, I can feel his attention has shifted to Potter. "What were you thinking? A forced marriage… that is really sick Potter! How could you do that to her?" A part of me wants to turn back around and correct Scorpius, tell him it was as much my fault as Potter's but I just can't muster the strength.

"I thought she knew… She _did_ know." Potter's voice is quiet, betraying no emotion.

"Knew? You honestly think she _wanted_ to marry you?" Oh Scorpius, you are so stubborn, just listen to Potter, he was there.

"She did not refuse…"

"_Refuse!_ Have you _met_ her father? He probably _cursed_ her!" Scorpius was screaming now.

"Cursed her? What do you mean…?"

"The Imperious Curse of course, you mindless half-breed!" I do not think I have ever heard Scorpius so angry. Potter does not say anything. "She had better be okay or I will personally see to it you never walk again _Potter_," Scorpius has at last reduced his voice to a whisper, albeit a vicious one. I hear the door slam again as he storms out. Potter remains stubbornly by my bedside.

"You knew…" he whispers when Scorpius leaves and I manage to nod.

Hours turn to days… Madame Pomfrey forces potions and food down me and I do not have the will to resist. Several people come to visit me: Vi informs me of every single rumour in the school (bar the ones involving me of course); Scorpius comes in everyday at least twice, desperately apologising until Madame Pomfrey told him to stop as it was probably not helping me recover (she remains adamant that I _will_ recover even though nothing has changed and it has been four days already); Zabini occasionally inquires after me; my mother managed to visit once but I pretended to be asleep; Potter sits at my side every moment he can spare, sometimes writing essays, sometimes reading, sometimes just sitting, silently.

In the hours of solitude I have when Potter is in lessons, I stare at the ceiling thinking of absolutely nothing. It is into one of these moments that a red haired girl flies into the Hospital Wing and marches over to me. I recognise her face but I cannot put a name to it.

"Look here, No- Pot- _Vivian!_" she struggles to put a name to me. It is true, I am no longer a Nott, I am a Potter. Vivian Iris Potter. The girl rudely interrupts my thoughts. "Scorp is worried sick about you, so is Al and James (although he won't admit it) and I think it is really rather selfish of you to stay up here pretending to be ill when there is nothing wrong with you… you are clearly just feeling extremely sorry for yourself and I don't think you have a right to make them suffer any longer!" She shouts at me. I turn to her in horror as she drags the sheets from my bed. "Get up," she orders; her dark red hair has exploded around her face making her look terrifying.

"How dare you-" I stutter, it is the first time I have spoken since I made my vows to Albus Potter.

"How dare I? Oh, missy, you have no idea what I dare…" she looks at me threateningly, her eyes glistening. She looks like she is on fire. "Now, I said: get up." Reluctantly, I swing my legs of the edge of my bed. "All the way…"

"Do _not_ tell me what to do Weasley!" Weasley… that's her name: Roxanne Weasley. "I hope you are aware you are talking to a pregnant woman here!" I shout in her face.

"Yes, I am and I am appalled at your behaviour! Very soon you are going to become a mother and as such, you need to start acting like one! And that does _not_ mean mopping around all day feeling sorry for yourself! You have to face life, Vivian; you cannot run from your problems however big they are!"

"You do not know anything about me or my problems! So don't you tell me what to do!"

"I think you'll find I know an awful lot about your problems, they are all Scorpius talks about these days! And quite frankly, I am sick of them. Do us all a favour and get over yourself! You cannot run from your life Vivian!" she screams before storming out of the Hospital Wing as Madame Pomfrey rushes in, inquiring what all the noise was about.

I am furious, how dare that little bitch come in here and start telling me how to live my life! Ignoring Pomfrey, I march out of the Hospital Wing and – going by the less used passageways as I am still dressed in only a nightshift – make my way to the Slytherin common room. Luckily, when I enter there is no one around, they must all still be in lessons. Jumping the stairs to my dormitory I shove open the door, I hastily pull on my school robes and tidy up my hair, my face is almost unrecognisable – I have huge black rings under my eyes and my skin is pulled taunt across the bone. A few moments later finds me tickling a painting of a pear. The kitchen is much busier than the last time I was here and I worry that I am intruding.

"Mistress Potter, what a pleasure it is to see you again," a little elf comes hopping over to me. "How can I help you?"

"Is there any chance I can have a peanut-butter and chocolate sandwich?" I ask. _Mistress Potter_. How strange that sounds.

"Of course, Dippy will just get it for you Mistress," smiles the elf, apparently happy to be of service. She returns within minutes with a huge sandwich, which I consequently eat in a matter of seconds – this food is so much better than whatever Pomfrey was feeding me.

"Thank you Dippy," I smile before exiting the kitchen, the elf blushes and mutters something about it being an honour – house elves really are bizarre creatures but at least they understand the concept of honour which is tragically fading from today's society. As I step out into the corridor I get caught up in a tide of students – mainly Hufflepuffs as I am right by their common room entrance. Following the crowd, I get swept up the stairs into the Entrance Hall, it must be dinner time. I take my place at the Slytherin table (still hungry despite having just eaten in the kitchen) and ignore the looks and whispers that ripple away from me.

"Viv!" Scorpius calls when he sees me. "Are you alright? I'm so-" he stops when I put up my hand.

"I do not want to hear you apologise again Mr Malfoy," I grin at him and he visibly relaxes. He comes and sits down next to me, we don't talk much but it is nice to have him there all the same. Vi also joins us, completely avoiding my random return to normality, and fills me in on the gossip she heard earlier.

I can feel the eyes of several Gryffindors on me throughout the meal and am somewhat relieved when it is over and we make our way back down to the common room. I curl up on a sofa with Vi and Scorpius sits on the floor in front of us.

"I did know." Scorpius looks momentarily confused but then I see understanding flood into his eyes.

"You_ knew?_ But- Why did you do it?"

"Family honour – I don't expect you to understand – but I knew; it wasn't Potter's fault." I explain before deciding to retire to my dormitory – my energy levels are definitely not what they use to be. Scorpius and Violet say nothing.

The next day passes without a mishap, I make it through my lesson without any trouble (probably because I don't have a lesson with Gryffindor on Thursdays). Again, at lunch and dinner, I can feel their eyes on me but I try to ignore them as best I can. Potter has not spoken to me at all since I came out if the Hospital Wing, I haven't seen James and that Weasley girl is staying out of my way.

Friday finds me anxiously waiting outside the Potions classroom, praying Zabini will let me sit on a different table. Of course, Zabini chooses this day to be late. Scorpius is standing with me but is very distracted and Vi is too busy trying to force Bulstrode to tell her what is going on with him and Juliana Stone to pay attention to us. The Weasley cousins arrive first, Rose is looking _extremely_ grumpy, her hair is all over the place and she looks like she has not slept in a while, Roxanne on the other hand looks stunning. I suppose I never really looked at her before – I never had a reason to – she is a slightly intimidating figure with her endless legs and powerful gaze – she must be almost as tall as Scorpius and that is saying something because Scorpius is _huge_. She catches my eye and gives me half a smile. I smile back and turn away, how weird, only two days ago she had been shouting at me in the Hospital Wing and now she was smiling at me… what has happened to the world?

Then he comes: Albus Potter. I turn away to Scorpius, who is so distracted I have to jab him in the ribs to get his attention. He looks down at me, startled, then understanding dawns in his eyes and he engages me in conversation – partly to distract me and partly to ensure Potter doesn't try to talk to me. Luckily, Zabini comes around the corner (I swear, I have never been so glad to see him) and lets us into the classroom. Scorpius steers me over to a table at the back of the room and Zabini does not comment.

The lesson is unusually quiet, Zabini just talks at us about our upcoming OWLs and we scribble down notes when we see fit (which for me is not often). Potter does not look my way at all in contrast to his cousin Rose, who spends the majority of the lesson glaring at me (I really have to find out why she hates me so much) and Roxanne, who glances our way every now and then with a look in her eye I cannot read, in fact, I'm not even sure if she is looking at _me_.

"Viv…there is actually something I want to talk to you about," Scorpius whispers across the table. "It is about Roxanne Weasley."


	8. Redhead

**Chapter Eight – Redhead**

**_May_****_2022_**

"You are what?" I hiss across the table, I know it is hypocritical but…

"I am seeing her, Viv," he looks at me as if begging me to accept this.

"Roxanne? Roxanne _Weasley_?" I just cannot take it in, it is just too bizarre. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

"I _am _telling you!" he whispers.

"Mr Malfoy, do you have something to share with the whole class?" Zabini asks in his sly voice from the front of the room. I turn my eyes to Roxanne, she is looking at Zabini but I can tell she knows I am looking. This is just weird. Malfoy and a Weasley… I know Potter and a Nott was weird but this is just not _right_.

"No, sir."

"Then I suggest you keep your mouth shut," Zabini is in a really foul mood. We don't dare say anything for the rest of the lesson but I hardly take anything in, I am still trying to digest Scorpius' latest bombshell. He has to be kidding.

"Look, Viv, just tell me if you are not cool with this," Scorp whispers as we leave the classroom.

"I – I am just shocked, when did this happen?"

"It has been building up for a while, I – I think I might be falling for her Viv." Oh Merlin, Scorp never _falls_ for people, he must really like her. I fight my instinct to tell him this is ridiculous – that getting involved with your parents' enemies' children is never a good idea, trust me, I know.

"Oh," I bite my tongue and tell him what he needs to hear, after all, he has been here for me so now it is my turn to be there for him. "I am happy for you." His faces lights up and he grins at me.

"Really? You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that," he throws an arm over my shoulder and messes up my hair.

"Well…? Are you going to introduce me to her?" he looks a little startles but nods and pulls me behind him as he pushes though the students to get to Roxanne. She is walking with Rose who glares at us and storms off, Roxanne smiles slightly as we approach her. She fixes her eyes on me and I shrug, as she transfers her gaze to Scorp a transformation overcomes her. All her features soften and her small smile is filled with such warmth that there can be no doubt that she has already fallen for him.

"Roxie," Scorp breaths, I almost feel like I should just leave them alone – the emotion between them is almost overwhelming, it breaks my heart a little that I might never feel like that with someone ever again. "I just wanted to introduce you to Vivian…"

"You mean Vivian wanted you to introduce her to Roxanne?" I snort. He shrugs, not letting his eyes leave Roxanne's face.

"Hello, Vivian," Roxanne smiles reservedly at me. "It is a pleasure to me you," she says politely. Right, well this is awkward – last time I spoke to her she was yelling at me to 'face life' or something similar. Why did I want Scorpius to introduce us again?

"You too," we stand there awkwardly for a few minutes. "Right, well I had better get back to the common room, nice to meet you." I hurry away from the uncomfortable situation and leave Scorp with Roxanne. Oh, Scorp, why did you have to do this to me? My situation is complicated enough without you seeing my… husband's cousin. Fear begins to ripple through me: what if Scorp forgets about me; what if Roxanne turns him against me; what if he spends all his time with her… Oh Scorp.

"You alright Viv?" Vi asks as I walk into the common room. "You look a bit shocked."

"I'm fine."

"So, are you going to tell me what that is all about?" she indicates to my hand. Confused, I hold it out in front of me and see the little gold band on my fourth finger.

"Oh…" I had forgotten about that. "I'm married." Sweet Hippogriff that must have sounded stupid.

"I figured…" Vi pulls a face. "But to who?"

"Albus Potter." Why? Why am I telling her this? Did someone put Veritaserum in my drink this morning… no they cannot have done, I told Scorp I was okay with him and Roxanne. She just looks at me, as if trying to figure out if I am joking. "Oh and I may be – well I _am_ – pregnant… with his kid of course." There is an awkward silence as she stares at me, I tap my foot, waiting for her to say something…_anything_.

"Shit…" she sighs at last. "I thought I had a messed up life." Oh Merlin, she thought I was kidding when I said I was married. Urgh, I hate sarcasm (even though it is my most used form of humour).

"Yeah, well…" I shrug. "Do me a favour and keep it to yourself," I know it is asking a lot from the biggest gossip in the school but it is worth a try. To my surprise, she just nods. I fling myself down on the sofa just as Scorp comes in. "Scorp, I'm hungry…" I whine.

"Come on then," he rolls his eyes mockingly as I jump up and run out the exit towards the portrait of the fruit bowl. Dippy comes running up to us, bringing my favourite sandwich. We sit down by the fire as the elves bustle around us. "So, what do you think of her?"

"Roxanne? She's pretty I guess… just, be careful, getting mixed up with the Weasleys and their relatives is not easy…" he gives me a lopsided smile, letting me know he understands. "And… please don't forget me."

"Forget you?" he laughs. "Merlin Viv, why on earth would I _forget _you?"

"Well you know, sometimes people forget their best friends when they get a girlfriend or a boyfriend…"

"…or a husband," he sticks his tongue out at me as I hit him over the head.

"That was not called for Malfoy!" A quiet cough grabs my attention before I beat Scorp to within an inch of his life. "Yes?" I look down at the house elf.

"There is a Mistress Weasley wondering if she can come in," he squeaks. I nod and he runs off. Great, Roxanne.

"Hi, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" She smiles slightly as she walks over to us; she really is quiet pretty. Her skin that hovers somewhere between white and brown, the edges shimmering darkly, she has extraordinary hair (seriously, I have never seen anything like it, I cannot tell if it is dark brown or fiery red or both), her eyes are a light, honey colour that contrasts prettily with her skin and she has full red lips. She is the complete opposite of Scorpius. He has pale skin and white blonde hair and his eyes are the lightest blue with a shivering grey rim.

"Not at all," I smile – I might as well be nice to her. She takes a seat beside Scorpius and he reaches out to entangle his fingers in hers. A pang of regret hits me: will I ever have someone do that to me? We sit in silence for a bit, gazing into the fire. "Oh Scorp- I forgot to tell you, I kinda let slip to Vi about my, um, _situation_." Okay, maybe not the best idea to bring it up in front of Potter's cousin… Scorp looks sheepish and glances at Roxanne who is pretending not to listen. "_You told her?_" I hiss at him.

"You told Violet Briggs!" He says defensively. "Who, in case you didn't know, is the biggest gossip in the school!" He has a point.

"I didn't _mean_ to!" Roxanne is still looking into the fire as if she cannot hear us.

"Neither did I – it just sort of slipped out," he shrugs.

"I have not told anyone, if that's what you are worried about," Roxanne turns to look at me.

"It's not your fault," I sigh. "Everyone is gonna know soon enough anyway." Slumping in my seat, I think about life in a world where everyone knows I am pregnant and _married_ – yes, for some reason, married seems worse. Scorp looks relieved that I haven't bitten Roxanne's head off… or his for that matter.

We elapse into silence again before Dippy returns to tell Scorp that Professor Creevey is looking for him and Scorp reluctantly gets up to leave us, he kisses Roxanne briefly on the cheek before messing my hair and disappearing out the portrait hole.

"How far along are you?"

"Excuse me?" I ask, somewhat startled by her bluntness.

"In your pregnancy, how far along are you?" Wow, point to Weasley – she is definitely straightforward and does not beat around the bush like most people I know.

"Um…" I quickly calculate it in my head (I really should know this). "Six and a half weeks."

"Have you been to see Pomfrey? Or another nurse?"

"Yeah, when, um, Zabini brought me in… He told her about it." You know, like right after I married your cousin despite the fact I'm still in love with your other cousin.

"You should probably go and see her again, we can go now if you want."

"Uh… okay." Roxanne gets up and leads the way, I follow her, not really sure what I am doing. The corridors are fairly empty as most students are in their common rooms revising for their upcoming exams. Madame Pomfrey is busy with a second year who has a gash on his knee, Roxanne take a seat on one of the empty beds.

"Can I help you girls?" Pomfrey asks, inspecting us for injuries.

"Uh…" I begin, not really sure what to say. "I thought… I'm, you know… I thought I should come and see you…" Madame Pomfrey nods.

"Rights, how far along are you?"

"Six and half weeks."

The next half an hour is one of the most bizarre half an hours of my life and I have had some pretty weird experiences during my life. Madame Pomfrey just jabs me in the stomach with her wand while chatting away to Roxanne about how her brother had been in the Hospital Wing more times than she could count. Seriously, it was almost like I was invisible.

At last, Madame Pomfrey tells me everything was fine and that I should come and see here again in two weeks time unless I had any concerns then I should come earlier. That was it. Half an hour of jabbing and all I get was 'everything is fine'. Roxanne hangs around until Madame Pomfrey is done before saying goodbye and hurrying off to the Gryffindor common room. I grudgingly make my own way to the dungeons as I have nothing else to do and it is raining outside… again.

As I come through the hole on the wall I see Vi sitting by herself in the corner. She is staring at a piece of parchment with blank eyes. She does not look up as I approach her and take the vacant seat beside her. I decide it is best to let her speak first so I simply sit there, gazing out the window at the beautiful underwater world.

"They're divorced." She says after almost three minutes of silence.

"Who?"

"My parents. They were never happy. I should have seen it coming. It is better this way."

"Oh."

"My mother was… _is_ a bitch." My eyes widen, I have never heard anyone call their own mother a bitch before. "My father was a twat sometimes but my mother was a complete _bitch_."

"Oh. Who are your parents?"

"David and Pansy Briggs… Or I guess, David Briggs and Pansy Parkinson, now." Vi still looks somewhat blank. "He is a drunk but it is her fault… She drove him to alcohol; it was his only way to deal with her. She is a malicious, manipulative bitch." Vi spits out the last sentence word for word. Suddenly, everything clicks into place: how Vi was almost jealous of my mother at the Ministry party, how she never goes home in the school holidays, how she dreads the summer, how she gossips about other people to deflect the attention away from herself and her screwed up parents.

"Oh." I don't know what to say, how are you supposed to reply to that sort of thing? Luckily I am saved by a shout from the other side of the common room as Scorpius comes tumbling in, looking flustered.

"Viv… you are going to hate this." He runs over to me, waving the Evening Prophet in his hand. "Page eighteen." Handing me the Prophet, he collapses into the armchair on my right. I turn to the page he indicated and begin to scan the article, looking for what Scorpius was refereeing to. "At the bottom," his face is a grimace. Oh Merlin.

There, right between the births and the deaths, were the marriages. _'Vivian Iris Nott, daughter of Theodore and Iris Nott, weds Albus Severus Potter, son of Harry and Ginny Potter, 11__th__ May 2022'_. This cannot be happening.

I stare at Scorpius: this has to be a joke.

"Your father must have put it in there," Scorpius looks almost as pissed off as I feel. "My dad's going to _love_ this." True, Draco Malfoy will be just delighted that his friend's daughter has married his childhood enemy's son (that is sarcasm to those of you too stupid to realise) but right now Mr Malfoy is the least of my problems… Try, I don't know, having the whole school know you are married. "I don't know how many people actually _read_ the Evening Prophet… Hardly anyone is going to read the marriages section anyway…"

"Yeah, but _someone_ will and that _someone_ will tell their friends who will tell their friends and on and on…" Vi points out. I just continue staring at them both. Merlin, what did I do _wrong_?

We are interrupted by a small cough as a first year tried to get our attention.

"There is someone outside, they want to talk to you, I think," he stutters at me.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know, she wouldn't say," he looks terrified, like I might rip off his head and feed him to the Squid. 'She' okay so it's not Potter… or James. I thank the little kid who immediately runs off and make my way to the hole in the wall with Scorpius on my heels.

As I climb out, a high pitched voice starts shrieking at me – I cannot understand a word she is saying. Blinking I realise it is Rose Weasley, Potter's cousin. She looks furious, with her bushy red hair flying around her bright crimson face; it is really quite terrifying.

"ANSWER ME!" She stamps. "IS THIS _TRUE_!" I take a moment to realise she is waving a newspaper around like a madwoman. Oh great. Now Weasley knows… And at the volume she is shouting at, soon the whole school will know. "ARE YOU MARRIED TO MY COUSIN?" Remind me to thank her one day: she saved everyone having to pass on the news.

"Which cousin?" I am actually surprised she can hear me.

"ALBUS, YOU HALF-BREED!" Ouch, that hurt.

"Yes, I believe I am – although I am not sure why you think asking me rather than Albus is going to help, I mean surely that is the logical thing to do: ask the person you actually know before asking the person you have never spoken to before? Now, if you will excuse me, I have things to be getting on with." Grabbing my robes, I make a dramatic sweep across the cold stone floor before diving back through the hole in the wall. Scorpius follows.

I do not turn to look at Rose but by the heat of the glare on my back I would not be surprised if she was foaming at the mouth.

The following morning I walk in a Hall full of people staring at me and whispering as I walk passed. Really, I should be used to it by now. I go to sit beside Scorpius who is looking pretty glum.

"Well, this is fun isn't it?" I smile mockingly.

"It gets worse, Viv," Scorpius mumbles.

"Really? Do enlighten me as to _how_ this situation could get any worse?"

"They know you are pregnant…" Okay I will give him that: that really does make things worse. "And, well…" There is an '_and'_?

"They think the baby is James'," Vi joins us.

"They think th- WHAT?" my head drops into my hands: poor James. I could deal with it when it was just me – or even me and Albus – but _James_… That is asking too much. After composing myself I brave a look at the Gryffindor table. Rose is shoving food into her mouth at an alarming rate; Albus is staring into his cereal bowl as if wishing it would consume him; Roxanne is casting sympathetic glances between me and her cousin and James is not there at all.

The day goes by all too quickly; rumours fly, there is confusion about who I am married to, about who the father of my child is, about whether or not I wanted to get married/pregnant, about my relationship with Zabini (no joke – people actually still think I am having an affair with him), and loads of other strange things people have conjured up – I even heard one saying that the baby was part Hippogriff… How is that even _possible_?

Sunday I spend in my dorm, finishing off homework and essays that I am behind on. I go down for some food with Scorp and Roxanne in the kitchens (I cannot bear the Great Hall) and they update me on the ridiculous rumours going round. Roxanne doesn't mention how her family are taking this revelation and I must confess I am a little disappointed, I was curious to know what their opinion was of me – the girl who ruined everything. Well, maybe not _everything_ but quite a lot: I have ruined Albus' future, he is now stuck with a wife he never speaks to for the rest of his life (not to mention a child); I have pitched two brothers against each other; I have created more drama and publicity for a family who hates to be in the limelight and I have broken James' heart. Wow. They must hate me.

Monday morning dawns far too soon. Charms passes in a blur, so does Astronomy. I ask Scorp if he wants to skip Potions with me but he says 'no, you are just going to have to face them' and to make it worse – him and Roxanne have decided to go public today. They say it is for my sake, that it might shift some of the attention away from me to them but I think they are just tired of having to creep around all the time. Oh this is going to be a fun Potions lesson.

Scorp and I get there first (he hates being late to anything apparently) and take our seats at the back. The rest of Slytherin and Gryffindor filter in until, at last, Potter and Roxanne walk in with their friend Jordan. Rose is nowhere to be seen. Potter and Jordan take their usual seats across the room from us but Roxanne – taking a deep breath – finds her way between the tables towards us. Scorp pulls out the chair next to him and she sits down. Oh Merlin. How to make a statement – come in late, ditch for cousin and friend and sit down with the pregnant married girl and your cousin's worse enemy. Smooth. Real smooth.

It takes a moment for anyone to realise something it wrong and then the whispers break out again. Eventually Potter pulls himself out of his trance like state to see his cousin on the other side of the room – holding hands with Scorpius Malfoy. At first he just stares. Then, before anyone can move, he whips out his wand and sends a curse straight at Scorp.


	9. Things

**Chapter Nine – Things**

**_May_****_2022_**

I am too quick, there is a shield in place before his spell reaches its target.

"AL! What the hell do you think you are doing?" Roxanne screams.

"What am _I_ doing? What are _you _doing?"

"Your tried to hex him – are you mad?" Roxanne screams.

"He was holding your _hand_!" Potter protests.

"Because I _let_ him! Besides, that doesn't give you an excuse to hex him!"

"But- but- it's _Malfoy_!"

"I know who he is! In fact, I know a hell of a lot more about him that you do because I actually took the time to talk to him!"

"Talk! That didn't look like talking!" He screams.

"Oh shut up Potter, you're a fine one to talk," I cannot believe I said that out loud. Every eye in the room turns to look at me – so much for Roxanne and Scorpius talking the attention _away_ from me. Potter just stares at me… Well this is awkward.

"Today we will be making Strengthening Potion, as it takes a few days to mature, we will finish it next lesson…" Zabini doesn't even look up as speaks – completely oblivious to what just happened in his classroom. He begins to explain the uses of the potion when he realises no one is really listening to him. "Mr Potter… Miss Weasley… Mr Malfoy… May I ask why you are all standing up?" Roxanne blushes and Scorp mutters an apology as they both go to sit down again. Potter just continues to stare at me. "Mr Potter…?" I glare at him and he at last turns away and sits down next to Max Jordan who looks torn between amusement and fear.

No one speaks for the rest of Potions; everyone is terrified that they will set Potter off again. I refuse to look at him but I can feel his eyes on me throughout the lesson. Roxanne and Scorp resume holding hands but thankful do so under the table out of sight. No one even dares look around, focusing themselves entirely on their potion. The lesson seems endless but when at last Zabini dismisses us, Scorp, Roxanne and I decide we might as well go to the Great Hall for lunch… no need to fuel the rumours with a random disappearing act.

We are just passing through the archway into the Great Hall when I hear her. Rose Weasley.

The tension that surrounds us shatters as everyone turns to stare at the three of us and the flaming redhead now approaching us.

"I can't _believe_ you!" Rose screams… at Roxanne. "How could you _do_ this is me? Surely you must have known how I felt! Surely you must have KNOWN I was in love with him! How COULD you!"

Huh?

"Rose-"

"You used to tell me _everything_! I thought you were my _friend…_ And if that's not bad enough, you are my _cousin_, we are _family_." Rose has tears streaming down her face and her hair is sticking out in all directions. "We are supposed to stick _together_ not go stabbing each other in the back!"

Roxanne is staring at her cousin as if she has grown an extra head… or two.

"Ican't _believe _it…" Rose sobs; she is now only inches from Roxanne and I can see her hand begin to rise. Roxanne sees it too but does not move – I think she is still trying to understand what on earth is going on, her and everyone else. Rose's palm makes a nice sound as it comes into contact with Roxanne's cheek. No one moves.

"HOW _COULD _YOU!" Rose screams one last time before turning on her heal and running from the Entrance Hall before anyone has time to draw breath. As soon as she is out of sight, whispers break out once again through the Hall and spread like wildfire across the school. Why? Why am I always in the middle of everything these days? I never used to be, I used to be the girl everyone knew by sight but the one no one really knew about… Now everyone knows my business and the business of those around me.

People begin moving again and I turn to follow Scorp and Roxanne into the Great Hall only to find neither of them has moved yet, Scorp is trying to get Roxanne's attention but she is just standing there, frozen, staring at the spot where her cousin disappeared. Scorp looks at me, begging for help.

"Roxanne!" I yell in her face, she turns her blank eyes on me. "Come on," grabbing her arm I steer her away from the Great Hall and down towards the kitchens, the house elves must be sick of us by now.

"Mistress Potter, Mr Malfoy… is something the matter with Mistress Weasley?" Dippy comes running up to us as we stumble through the portrait. "Dippy will get her some warm butterbeer," she says decisively running off to get Roxanne a drink.

"Thank you Dippy," I smile and she blushes slightly, mumbling something about it being an honour – my respect for House Elves is ever increasing. I turn back to Roxanne and Scorpius, the latter is still trying to get Roxanne's attention but she is staring into nothingness. "Well that was unexpected…" Great, now I have reverted to stating the obvious in uncomfortable situations, what is happening to me?

"I don't understand…" Roxanne whispers.

"Well, how should I phrase this – Rose Weasley appears to be in love with Scorpius Malfoy. I know it doesn't sound right but that is the only possible explanation, she claimed to being love with someone and was angry with you, therefor it is only logical that you have taken her 'love interest' so to speak." Oh Merlin, I sound like I belong in some awful drama production that my parents always used to drag me too – _you need a bit of culture Vivi dear._

"But- but she would have told me, she would have said something before… I had no idea… She tells me everything... It can't be right…" Apparently I am the only one here willing to accept the obvious.

Dippy hobbles over and informs us there is a Mistress Coote and a Mistress Jones outside wanting to see Mistress Weasley. Scorpius doesn't seem to have heard so I go over to the portrait to see two girls with the famous red and gold of Gryffindor sewn onto their robes.

"Can I help?"

"We just want to see if Roxie's alright, the House Elf won't let us in," explains the shorter of the two girls.

"She'll be fine, she's just in shock."

"Look," buts in the other girl. "Roxie is _our_ friend and we would like to see her, I'm sure if you just told her we were here she would come and see us." I turn my back on the girls and look over to see Roxanne sobbing lightly into Scorpius' shirt.

"Uh… Roxanne is _occupied_ at the moment; I think it's probably best if we just leave her alone, Scorp will look after her." The taller girl looks hesitant and a weary look passes over her face at the mention of Scorpius but the smaller one tugs on her sleeve and they disappear down the corridor. I wander in the other direction.

The Great Hall is alive with whispers – it's not every day that two Weasley cousins fall for the same boy, let alone a _Malfoy_. I go over to the Slytherin table only to find Scorpius isn't there, I should have guessed, so I sit between to Violet and Miriam knowing the latter won't start talking to me.

"You alright?" I ask Violet.

"Not too bad, believe it or not but this Rose-Roxanne-Scorpius love triangle added to the Albus-James-Vivian triangle has created so many rumours that not even _I_ can keep up with them all." Violet Briggs… unable to keep up with rumours? That just doesn't sound right.

"Have you seen Rose?" I ask heaping potatoes on my plate.

"Yeah, she came in a few minutes before you," glancing at the Gryffindor table I see Rose looking sulky as the girls who came looking for Roxanne earlier sit either side of her, trying to comfort her. "Roxanne is still a no-show."

"Yeah, I think her and Scorp are still down in the kitchens." I hear a cough behind me and turn. He has caught me off guard and my heart jumps into my mouth: James.

"Could I have a word please?" His voice is void of emotion as I silently get up (ignoring Violet's comment of _'way to fuel the rumours'_) and follow him out of the Great Hall. Neither of us speaks as we turn down corridor after corridor.

"How are you?" he asks at last.

"Okay." We elapse into silence again; he seems to be trying to form the words in his mind.

"Did you know about Roxanne and Malfoy?"

"Yes."

"Do you think he will treat her well? He won't hurt her?"

"Yes and no, he would never hurt her, he really likes her, I have never seen him like this."

"Hmm…"

"James, just spit it out."

"Vivian Iris Potter… Why did you do it?"

"Do what? Get married or get pregnant?"

"Both."

"I got married because I was pregnant and I got pregnant because I had sex with a guy. I thought that was obvious." He gives me a weird look, probably to be expected. "Family honour. I wouldn't expect you to understand, for some families, honour comes before happiness. The Nott's are a very traditional family and in this case, tradition overcame my father's rivalry and prejudice of your family. My parents didn't marry for love and they have a simple, uncomplicated marriage so if it worked for them, logically there is no reason it should not work for me… I know it's not that simple but it is in my father's eyes. I respect my father, I respect and honour the name of Nott because it is what I have been brought up to do and something like that is very powerful. I did not want to be a disgrace. Honour and loyalty come before emotions, before anything. Loyalty to your family… My father expected me to be a loyal daughter…"

"And are you?"

"I was – I understood his values – but now…"

"Now you're married."

"Now I'm married."

"If only-"

"If only things had been different? What's the point in asking that question James? Things are the way they are… Nothing can change that."

"There's always hope."

"And to balance the hope, there is always despair, the trick is to find a balance. I need to find that balance, James, and so do you." I turn my head slightly to look at him and I can see the glistening trail of a tear running down his cheek. My fractured heart lurches beneath my ribs, if only… "James," I whisper and at last he stops walking and turns towards me.

"I love you." It comes out in a rush and I wonder at first if I heard him correctly.

"James…"

"I love you Vivian, I never thought I would ever really feel this; I never really believed in love, I was happy to just fool around with girls, I never understood why anyone would want to commit themselves to just one girl – especially at this age – but I understand that now… Even if it is too late."

"James, I love you too but-" my voice catches.

"No, listen Vivian, I love you and I can't image loving anyone else but I want you to be happy… There _is_ always hope. Al's a good kid, I think he really wants to be good enough for you and I know he will try, give him a chance Viv, give him a chance to make you happy-" James seems to be forcing the words out against his will, like he is saying them out of duty rather than willingness. "Forget about me."

It is only three words (the same amount of words as 'I love you') but is feels like a blade in my stomach – there is no way I could _ever_ forget James. His face is contorted, like the words are causing him the same pain as they are me.

"Forget me and try to be happy," he whispers. "I know that I will love you for the rest of my life and I feel like a part of you will always be with me, just like a part of me will always be with you, but you need to give Al a chance… Forget about me." I stare at him, frozen to the spot, what is he saying? He takes his hands from my shoulders (I do not remember him putting them there) and forces himself to turn and walk down the corridor away from me.

"James…" I whisper. He does not turn around. I watch as he disappears around the corner and out of my sight. James.

The rest of the week passes by with no new drama; I hardly see Roxanne any more, she is stuck between her family (and friendship with Rose) and her feelings for Scorpius; Scorpius is getting all moody because Roxanne is being distant with him; Violet is the only one still acting normal; I never see James anymore; Albus acts like I do not exist and the rest of the Weasleys are more preoccupied with Rose and Roxanne's fall out than with their cousin's Slytherin wife.

The following weeks pass with a mixture of tears, stress and panic (well, not for me obviously but some people really do get _far_ too worked up about this sort of thing) – OWLs. Personally I have no trouble with any of the exams, they really are not as hard as some people make out. With only a week left until the summer holidays begin no one really pays much attention in classes and the Professors barely bother trying to teach them anything.

**June 2022**

"Alright Viv?" Violet asks as she slides the door to my compartment open. I nod as she sits across from me, Scorpius joins us moments later, still moody about his situation with Roxanne.

"Cheer up Scorp," I nudge him with my foot. He just glares at me. "What you doing over the holidays?" I ask no one in particular.

"Not a lot, probably spend most of it with dad down south," Violet shrugs.

"Uh… I think we're going to Switzerland to see Grandmother Malfoy and then we are going to New York with Aunt Daphne and Uncle Kenneth."

"Sounds fun," smiles Violet; Scorpius grimaces.

"Yeah, sure… Spending your summer with an old woman who barely talks and spends most of her time staring out into the distance, then Aunt Daphne who is the most _annoying_ woman you will ever come across-"

"Daphne Greengrass? I know her, she's friends with my mum. She's a cow… no offence."

"-None taken, but yeah and her husband is stupid beyond belief and they have no kids so I'm stuck with just my parents and Luciana."

"Who's Luciana?"

"Scorp's little sister, she's what, nine now?" Scorpius nods.

"I didn't know you had a little sister, so you're not completely on your own then? At least you have an ally, I have to deal with my parents on my own," she sighs.

The train ride back to Kings Cross continues in such a fashion, each of us talking about small irrelevant things, each of us keeping silent about the other things… Things like the fact I'm married and pregnant; like Violet's parents are divorced; like Scorpius is struggling without Roxanne.

At last the train comes to a halt at Platform 9¾.


	10. Home

**Chapter Ten – Home**

**_June_****_2022_**

As I jump down from the train I look around, even through the fog and muddle of people I can tell no one is here to collect me. My heart sinks, what am I supposed to do? I have nowhere to go: Scorp is travelling with his parents and little sister (besides his parents would not allow me to stay with them anyway) and Violet has already vanished into the crowd… I can't very well go to the Potters can I, how awkward would _that_ be? I groan quietly, what a great start to my summer – homeless.

Someone picks up the trunk at my feet and I look up to see Albus – we still haven't spoken. He hoists my trunk on top of his trolley and begins pushing it through the crowd without saying a word. I have no choice but to follow. I can feel people whispering as we go past; rumour already flying. At last the crowd thins and disperses, we have left Platform 9¾ and are now in muggle London. Albus leads us towards a line of cars with weird triangular pyramids on top of them with the word 'TAXI' written on it. A man steps out of one and loads our trunks into the boot, he stares peculiarly at Albus' owl and mutters something along the lines of 'these weird foreigners' before slamming to boot shut. Albus holds the door to the back of the car open and looks at me… he wants me to get _in_ the car?

I have never been in a car before, they are bizarre things and I immediately decide I prefer portkeys, floo powder or even side-along apparition. Albus climbs in next to me and mutters something to the man in the front. After several frightening minutes the man stops the car in front of a row of grisly looking buildings and gets out. Albus does the same and I follow his lead, the man takes our trunks out of the boot and leaves them on the pavement before hastily getting back in the car and driving off – not at all sorry to see the back of us.

Albus walks up to the door of one of the buildings and takes out a key then disappears inside with his owl. Moments later he reappears and grabs our trunks, pulling them inside and leaves the door open behind him. I stand on the pavement alone with Elena, my cat, in my arms. I stare at the building: it is made of grey bricks with small windows besmeared with slime. Reluctantly, I walk up the steps and into the building, I emerge into a dingy hallway that is barely wide enough for one person to stand in. The hallway has three doors leading off it and a narrow staircase at one end. I open the first door: a tiny kitchen that looks like it has not been used for decades. I open the second door: a broom falls out, it is nothing more than a broom cupboard. I open the third door: a cluttered sitting room with mismatched furniture covered in dust. I walk up the staircase: another dark hallway. Two doors. I open the one on my right: a small bathroom with only a broken shower, toilet and chipped sink. I open the door on my left: an almost empty room with just one narrow double bed. I walk across the room to a small window and look out, below me is a tiny square patch of dead looking grass, Albus is sitting on a plastic chair with his back to me.

I sit on the bed and let the tears fall, so this is going to be my life: stuck in a grimy house not fit to live in with a husband who hates me. I let myself sob until there are no more tears to cry. Going into the bathroom, I wipe some of the dirt of the cracked mirror above the sink and try to remove the tear tracks from my face. I needn't have bothered, when I get down stairs I find a note from Albus saying he had gone out and would be back later. A postscript at the bottom read: _Ministry has given special license to use magic underage but only inside house._

Pulling myself together I toss the note back on the table and look around again. I am in the kitchen and if I stand sideways and stretch my arms out, I can touch both walls at the same time. Now then, let's see if I really can use magic outside of school… I whip out my wand and point it at the sink, immediately it fills with water. Searching the cupboard for a sponge and finding none I transfigure a tea cup and direct it to the sink. Sitting at the table I instruct the sponge to clean first the sink and then the counter tops, once they were done to my satisfaction I clean the cupboard doors, then all the pots and pans, then the plates and bowls and cups (all of which had been chipped). I leave the windows until last in case anyone should look in and I do them by hand. At last, I am satisfied with the kitchen: the surfaces are all clean and I had changed the filthy puke colour of the cupboards to cream and the surfaces to black granite (oh the joys of magic); the plates and cutlery have been cleaned and fixed and put in the correct places and the floor has been mopped to reveal a decent wood beneath the grime. Exhausted I conjure up a cushion and collapse on a chair. I am still expecting a Ministry official to come knocking on the door to give me an earful.

Cleaning the kitchen has tired me out I cannot bring myself to start on the sitting room. I wait until I hear the door open and Albus come in. Walking into the kitchen he lets out a gasp of surprise before setting some bags on the counter and walking back out. He does not say a word. Sighing, I rummage through the bags to see what he got: bread, milk, butter, jam, soup… the essentials basically. I take out a slice of bread and cover it in butter and jam (I must get a hold of some peanut butter and chocolate spread). Washing my sandwich down with a glass of milk I move into the sitting room. Albus is not in here so I start my cleaning process again… when I have finished, I crash onto the sofa and close my eyes.

Stretching out I let a yawn escape me, I rub my eyes and look around. Judging by the light outside it must be morning; did I really sleep throughout the night? I tug the blanket up around me to keep off the chill, where did the blanket come from… on the three legged coffee table in front of me Albus has left another note: _gone to work, be back at five._ Since when did Albus work? Yawning again I go in search of some food.

The day passes slowly, I clean the hallway and the broom cupboard, I then move upstairs to the bedroom and finally the bathroom. When the whole house has been cleaned I fix the shower and strip down. The water rushes over me and it takes a while to warm up, I use a spell to wash my hair and body as I do not trust the soap left lying on the edge of the sink. I don't know how long I stand under the shower for but at some point I hear the door open and close, Albus must be home. Home – is doesn't really feel like home, it is so impersonal and cold, not at all like Hogwarts or even my parents' house.

I get out of the shower and run into the bedroom where Albus left my trunk. Rummaging through it I find a set of robes in a dark green and pull them on. Most wizards these days like wearing muggle clothing but I just find it uncomfortable and prefer wearing robes. I go down stairs into the kitchen; I can hear Albus next door fiddling with something. Pulling out some pots I begin to make my first meal on my own. In both Hogwarts and my parents' house, house elves cooked for us so I use an old recipe book that I found lying around and flick through it until I find something that looks easy enough to cook.

I look at the result and feel I little disheartened, is doesn't look as good as house elf food. Grabbing both plates a go into the sitting room, Albus is fiddling with some weird box thing in the corner and doesn't look up when I come in. I set his plate down on the coffee table and sit down in an armchair. Pointing my wand at the fireplace I make flames spring up – this house is freezing even in June. Eventually Albus gives up with the box thingy and sits down on the sofa, he dutifully eats all the food on his plate but I can tell he doesn't really like it.

"What is that?" I gesture to the box; it is the first time either of us has spoken since we got off the train.

"A television, it is a muggle thing, they produce moving pictures it is fascinating… and all without magic," he seems genuinely interested in the muggle creation. We elapse back into silence and I clear the plates away before returning to my seat by the fire.

I can feel the second tick by but neither of us wants to be the first to move. After a while he tactfully pretends to fall asleep on the sofa so I creep upstairs to the bedroom, I'm not sure if Albus slept here yesterday, I think he might have just slept on the armchair I had just vacated as this room had not been cleaned yet. This is ridiculous, I know it may not feel like it but he _is_ my husband and he should not be forced to sleep on the couch every night. Oh well, I will deal with that tomorrow.

The next few days pass by in routine, Albus has left by the time I get up, I spend the day teaching myself how to cook, Albus comes home, we eat dinner in the sitting room, occasionally we create small talk, he pretends to fall asleep, I creep up to bed… Loneliness begins to creep up on me and I long for the bustle of student at school.

A week after school ended, we are sitting in the lounge; our plates lie empty on the table. It has been a normal day, my cooking is improving and I am half pleased with my stir fry. Albus is sitting across from me as usual.

"Do you know if it is girl or a boy?" his question is so out of the blue I blink in surprise; he seems embarrassed as if he had not meant to say anything. It is odd I guess, I knew he knew I was pregnant – the whole school knew I was pregnant – but we had never spoken about it, we never spoke about any of it.

"I don't know," I reply. "I don't really want to know either." He seems to nod in agreement.

"I wonder what house it will be in…" he mutters, making me giggle slightly, he looks at me in shock as if it is not something one should laugh at. "What?"

"Is that really your biggest concern? What house they are going to be in?"

"Well, no… but I do wonder…"

"Well I hope it is in Ravenclaw."

"Ravenclaw? Why?"

"Because it cannot be in Slytherin or Gryffindor because I wouldn't want it to feel more loyal to one parent because they were in the same house and Hufflepuffs are just weird…"

"I suppose, but why are Hufflepuffs weird?"

"Because they are… I mean… They just are…" I trail off, unable to find a valid reason. This must be the most bizarre conversation I have ever had. We fall into silence again.

"I suppose Ravenclaw is quite a good house…" Albus cannot seem to let it go, I smile. "But Gryffindor is better."

"I think you'll find Slytherin is better thank you very much," I huff.

"Sure… that where what's-his-name was sorted, you know, the one who killed all those people back when our parents were our age."

"Yeah but he was one of the most powerful wizards to ever have existed, I don't agree with what he did or anything but you have to admit he was a great wizard…"

"Yeah but not as great as Dumbledore… or my dad," he flashed a grin as I roll my eyes.

"Your dad might not have survived if it wasn't for a Slytherin," I point out. "In fact, more than one Slytherin I think."

"Who?" he asks genuinely confused.

"Your namesake for a start – Severus Snape and Scorpius' grandmother, Narcissa Malfoy, they were both Slytherins." He shrugs, clearly at a loss as to what to say. We sit for a little while longer before I get up to go to bed.

"You know you don't have to sleep on the sofa," well that was not the most tactful way of phrasing it but hey. Albus looks at me oddly. "It is just a bed." He tilts his head to the side and as I turn to go up the stairs, he can follow if he wants: I have given him the option.

I am almost asleep when I hear the stairs creek, my pulse quickens, was this really a good idea? He tiptoes quietly around the room, changing into his pyjamas. I stay very still as the sheets on the other side of the bed are pulled up and he slips in. A few minutes later, I can hear gentle snores and I know he has fallen asleep.

The next morning he has gone when I wake up. I come to look forward to five o'clock when he comes back home to relieve my loneliness. Our evenings become more comfortable and he now comes up to bed a little after I do.

**August 2022**

One day he comes home to find me crying on the bed. I cannot help myself: I miss my mother more than I thought I would and the tears just fall. He comes upstairs and – not knowing what else to do – he comes and sits beside me and puts an arm over my shoulders. I turn into his chest and sob; he cradles me close to him and leans back on the bed. We lie like that for over an hour; I can feel his body pressed against me as he strokes my hair: there is something inexplicably comforting in the presence of another human body.

"Vivian…" he mutters, it is the first time I have heard him say my name since the night that lead to all of this; I mummer at him to continue. "It is your birthday tomorrow," I had completely forgotten. "I have taken the day off work, would you like to go to Diagon Alley for a bit?" His thoughtfulness causes me to cry again but I manage to nod into his chest. He continues to stroke my hair.

The next day dawns and I wake to the smell of bacon wafting up the staircase. Rubbing my eyes I descend the stairs and hover in the door way to the kitchen. Albus is busy at the stove, frying bacon and eggs – I had no idea he could cook. His hair is messy as usual, he is wearing just his pyjama bottoms and I notice he has quite a nice body, the memory of running my hands down it comes rushing back to me and I quickly look away.

"Good morning," he smiles when he spots me in the doorway. "Happy birthday," he presents me with a plate heaped with bacon, eggs, tomato and toast. I smile back at him, thank him and take the plate. "So, where do you want to go first?" he asks as we take a seat at the tiny kitchen table, I can feel his leg pressing against mine under it.

"Hmm, I don't mind… Surprise me." _Surprise me…_ what was I thinking, I hate surprises. Albus looks and me and smiles, it is a genuine smile but there is something in his eyes I cannot read. After breakfast is finished, we leave the dishes on the side for later and I go up for a shower while Albus starts twiddling with some odd looking instrument on the counter – he really is obsessed with muggle inventions.

When at last we are ready to leave, Albus helps me on with my cloak and locks the door behind us. As we walk down the street, muggles look at us with a strange expression on their faces; one woman even crosses the street with her two young children as she sees us approaching.

"Why are they looking at us like that?" I ask Albus who seems to know everything about muggles.

"Because of our cloaks and robes, muggles don't wear this sort of thing so they assume we are weird." He doesn't seem too bothered about it but personally, I cannot wait to get to the Leaky Cauldron and the wizarding world. My wish is soon granted and we manoeuvre our way between the tables and chairs.

"Good morning, Mrs Longbottom," Albus greets the landlady.

"Albus, how are you?" She asks cheerfully as a couple of girls come round the corner.

"Alice, Eloise," Albus greets the girls (who I think have just graduated) before we leave out the back of the pub.

Diagon Alley is, as always, packed with witches and wizards of all sorts. We push our way through the crowd towards Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. It seems weird to be among so many people again, I have grown accustomed to the solitude of my new life. We buy our ice creams and make our way down the street. I look up to ask Albus where we are going and I see he has ice cream on him nose, giggling, I wipe it off with the sleeve of my robe. He flushes slightly.

We come to a puddle and I hesitate: these are my only pair of good shoes. I extend my arm to steady myself to climb around the puddle and I feel someone grab onto my hand. Albus carefully positions himself to support me as I jump across the offending puddle.

"Thanks," my voice is quiet as I look up into his eyes; he has beautiful, deep green eyes that remind me of the lake outside my dorm in Hogwarts. We stand for a moment, his hand still entwined in mine.

"_James,_" a voice protests across the street and I make the mistake of looking. James Potter is standing there, staring at us in horror. A girl is stood beside him, holding onto his arm as if preventing him from coming towards us. Inside, my guts squirm uncomfortably and I feel another piece of my already fractured heart chip off. Oh, James.

I let go of Albus' hand.

James turns to the girl and pulls her towards him, titling his head down to kiss her. I turn away. Albus gives me another one of his funny looks and continues to walk down the street. I follow him, leaving the piece of my heart behind. James has already moved on, after everything he said…

Albus takes me to a quiet restaurant to order lunch, even here whispers follow us… everyone in the entire wizarding world seems to know our story. We wonder around Diagon Alley for a while afterwards, hardly talking, my heart is not in it anymore and I just want to back to our house and curl up on the sofa. Albus seems to agree with me as he directs us back to the Leaky Cauldron and into the muggle world. This time I hardly notice the muggles staring at us.

Hours turn to days… Days turn to weeks… Albus and I are distant again, we hardly talk and he often sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I feel awful but I cannot help myself, I am still in love with James and I seem powerless to change that... I cannot forget him. Numbness seeps into my veins again and I worry that it might never leave. Why? Why does my life have to be so complicated? Albus comes home later from work these days and I have lost the will to cook something nice so he often brings home a muggle 'take-away' whatever that is.

It has been nine days since I left the house, nine days since I saw James. I cannot bear it anymore and decide to go out. I do not know where to but I have to get out of this place. Pulling on my cloak I wander out into the August sun, the muggles avoid me as I retrace our footstep to the Leaky Cauldron. When I get there I stand looking at it, do I really want to go into the wizarding world where everyone judges me and knows my story?

"Viv..?" His voice is hesitant but I know at once who it is.

"James?" I swivel around to see him standing a few feet away, looking at me nervously.

"What are you doing here?" We chime together – it is dumb question, this is after all the entrance to the wizarding world. We both wait for the other to reply.

"Are you alone?" he asks, I know it is just code for 'where is Albus' but I just say I came out because I was bored – which is the truth. We stand in awkward silence for a few minutes. "I miss you." Oh Merlin why did he have to say that? I can feel my knees getting weaker as my pulse starts to race in a way it hasn't done for a very long time.

"I miss you too," I know I should not have said that and that I should just walk away but I can't. I am still in love with him.

"How are you?" I realise we are still talking with a huge gap between us but neither of us moves to close it.

"Fine," I lie, I am always fine.

"You're always fine," he knows me too well, how, I am not sure… we were only together for a day.

"I know…" I cannot think of what else to say, there are so many things I still want to tell him but they just refuse to come out of my mouth. He steps one step closer. I bite the inside of my lip.

"Viv…"

"Yes?"

"I still love you, you know." I am only made aware of the fact I am crying by the sensation of a tear rolling down my cheek… oh James.

"I love you too." It is so wrong, I am married to his brother and I am having his brother's child. Then I am in his arms as he wipes the tear from my cheek, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and I feel my heart explode. "James…" I breathe. His lips are moist, gentle, familiar. I lean my body into him and he tangles his hand in my hair. This is so wrong. Then why does it feel so utterly right?

At length he pulls away for air and I look up into his beautiful brown eyes and I can see he has tears rolling down his face as well.

* * *

**Hello! Hope you enjoyed it... or hated it. Either way, let me know what you think in a lovely little review. If you're interested in character appearances etc. or want to ask questions, visit my blog (link of profile page). Thanks for reading ~ GirlOnTheSidelines**


	11. Morals

**Chapter Eleven – Morals**

**_August_** **_2022_**

Albus does not come up to bed tonight and I am glad. The guilt would be too much to bear. After kissing James outside the Leaky Cauldron and crying in his arms, we eventually parted. I came straight home and got in the shower so Albus would not see my tears, he was late home today though so I needn't have bothered. I cannot sleep; I toss and turn, my mind is restless, flicking between thoughts of James and thoughts of Albus. What I did was wrong, I knew that, but it didn't _feel_ wrong… it felt so perfectly _right_.

When I wake in the morning, Albus has already left. I cannot eat breakfast but pace distractedly through the house. As the old clock strikes two, I grab my cloak a march out into the rain, my feet guide me and I soon find myself outside the Leaky Cauldron again. What am I doing here?

A hand grabs my wrist and pulls me into one of the narrow alleyways, his lips crush to mine. I do not need to look to see who it is – his lips are so familiar. I could be anywhere in the world but if I was kissing James, I would feel at home. He takes my hand and in silence we walk through muggle London where no one will recognise us. The rain prevents many people from coming out of their houses and we find a nice park and sit down on one the wooden benches muggles are so fond of.

"I love you Vivian Iris," he whispers into my hair as we cuddle up together – our bodies mould together as one. I kiss the tip of his nose in reply.

The next day passes in a similar fashion, with me hurrying home before Albus gets back from work. And the next. And the next. Almost a week goes by and I feel powerless to stop myself seeking out James, we meet earlier and earlier until I practically follow Albus out of the house in the mornings (without him noticing of course).

My food is beginning to improve again and Albus and I are sitting in the lounge eating spaghetti bolognaise in silence. He opens his mouth as if to say something but decides not to and closes it. He does this several time.

"Do you love him?" He at last spits out, his voice is calm with no hint of any underlying emotion.

"Who?" I ask stubbornly, I know full well who he is referring to.

"My brother."

"No." It is perhaps the biggest lie I have every told but living with Albus has become uncomfortable enough without him knowing I am still in love with his brother. He looks at me and I can see on his face he does not believe me but he says nothing. Again, he does not come up to bed; instead I hear the door creak open and his footsteps echo softly from the pavement.

Over the next few days, as I creep off to see James, Albus comes home later and later from work and goes out earlier and earlier in the evenings, coming back later and later until one day I come downstairs in the morning to find him just coming in through the door. I have no idea where he goes.

We no longer speak at all, we don't even look at each other, it is like we are trying to convince ourselves the other one does not exist.

I see James every day for as long as possible, sometimes not coming home until the small hours of the night. Albus is never home to notice.

It is an unusual day for me today as I am at home, James has something important to do, I job interview I think. I do not expect any company so when the doorbell rings I assume it is next doors. It is persistent so I go to tell them next door might not be in but when I open the door I am startled to see a tall witch standing on my doorstep (I can tell she is a witch by the robes she is wearing).

"Can I help you?" I ask none too friendly – I swear I have seen her before.

"Yes, actually, you can," she barges through into the house (which is a bit of a tip). I shut the door and turn to glare at her. "My name is Eloise Macmillan." Ah, the girl from the Leaky Cauldron… the girl who was kissing James, I make the connection at last.

"Well, Miss Macmillan, I would invite you in but apparently that is not necessary…" I sneer, jealously clawing at my heart. She ignores me.

"I have come to talk to you about James Potter."

"Oh really," I roll my eyes.

"Yes, really. I understand that you still have feelings for him that perhaps you ought not to have as a married woman," this girl is infuriating, what does _she_ know about my life. "It must undoubtedly be hard for you to stay away from him but you must hear me out." She inhales deeply and I get the suspicion she is nervous. "James Potter is good man, he deserves a good life… It is not fair on him, or yourself, or his brother that you continue to see him and make his life so complicated. I know you do not want to hear this but I feel you must know, James was just starting to adjust to life without you, he was not happy as such but he was also not _unhappy_, after he saw you and your _husband_ in Diagon Alley, everything fell apart again, he is broken and struggling to figure out a way to make his life work. I know that love is a hard feeling to overcome, sometimes even impossible, but I need you to try…" her voice has become quieter, taking on an almost begging tone. "I need you to try and let him go, it is killing him… and it is killing me." Her jaw was clenching as if she was holding back tears. "It is not fair on anyone, yourself included, that you keep up this… relationship. He needs to move on and he cannot do that if knows you are still prepared to be with him."

"Miss Macmillan-"

"Please, just hear me out. If you really loved him, hard though it may seem, you need to let him go." She at last comes to the end of her sermon and stands there, awkwardly, in my hallway.

"Miss Macmillan, I understand your concern but I do not see that what Mr Potter or myself get up to is any of your business."

"Which Mr Potter," she whisper, I am not even sure if she meant to say it out loud.

"Good day, Miss Macmillan and if you have any sense, I suggest you do not come back to my house." I hold open the door and resist the urge to hex her, my hand gripping my wand in my pocket. She sighs and walks out the door, as I go to close it she turns around again.

"At least think about, please, for James' sake." I slam the door in her face and whip out my wand, shattering the vase that stands on the small wooden table in the hall. Not quite rid of my anger, I proceed to punch the wall, repeatedly with my fist.

I hate Macmillan for what she said, I _hate_ her! But a part of me knows she is right, a part of me knows that I cannot maintain my relationship with James without destroying his chances of a normal and happy life. Tears run uncontrollably down my face as I sink onto the floor. Sobs rack my body and sit, shaking against the wall, unable to quell my emotions.

Albus does not come home at all that night. The next morning I leave the house with a heavy heart: I know what I must do.

James and I have taken to meeting in muggle London where no one knows us and as I head over to our usual spot, my heart breaks. He is standing there, leaning against a tree that looks so out of place among all the tall grey buildings. As I approach him he looks up and he can see in my face that something is not right. He smiles weakly at me.

"Vivian-" I have to cut him off before he starts talking or I will never be able to do what needs to be done.

"James, I cannot do this anymore," my voice breaks. "This is not fair on you: you should be able to have a normal life with a normal family… it is not fair on Albus: he has been good to me and he deserves better than a cheating wife… it is not fair on Macmillan: she has always been there for you and she deserves to be with you without my interference… and it is not fair on me: I need to get on with my life." The tears I swore I would not cry come spilling out, he looks at me as if I am a ghost but I know that he understands. "Good bye James," I whisper and before he can gather himself enough to reply I turn and walk away.

Muggle London is a blessing, everyone hurries by you without even noticing you, focused on their own problems, no one knows anyone and no one really cares. I loose myself in the maze of roads and buildings until my feet can take it no more. Somehow I find my way back home.

Albus is sitting in the lounge with a take away; guilt consumes me as I sit across from him.

"I saw James," it comes out in a whisper and I pray he did not hear. He pauses with his fork hovering in mid-air then he looks up at me. I might as well tell him everything. "In fact, I have seen James every day for the last couple of weeks." He is still just staring at me, not blinking. "I'm sorry." How pathetic I must sound to him.

"Do you still love him?" there is no emotion in his voice.

"Yes," I sigh. "But I ended it; it was not fair on anyone." What a pitiful excuse. He just looks at me.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I have ruined your life." Albus looks genuinely serious.

"Ruined _my _life? I ruined my _own_ life! And I have ruined yours along with it!" He continues just to looks at me and I wish he would stop.

"You haven't ruined my life." His voice is so quiet I can barely hear him.

"Yes I have, it is not like you ever wanted to marry me is it? It is not like you wanted to have a child with me… Merlin, you probably didn't even want to sleep with me in the first place, you were just too drunk to realise who I was! I _have _ruined your life and I am sorry for it…" I shout in exasperation. He just continues to look at me.

"Is that what you think?" He asks after a moment of silence.

"What do you mean, is that what I think? It's obvious isn't it?"

"You think I do not want to be with you…"

"Well yeah," confusion tumbles inside me.

"I wasn't that drunk." I blink, momentarily unsure of what he was talking about. Oh Merlin. That night, the night that started all of this…

_"Vivian?" someone calls out behind me. Odd, there are not very many people who call me by my first name… "Vivian?" they ask again._

_"Yes…?" I turn around and see a black haired boy standing a few meters away. Potter, great. "What do you want?"_

_"Why do you hate me Vivian?"_

_"Because you're Potter; that is reason enough."_

_"You don't hate James,"_

_"How do you know how I feel about James?"_

_"I can see it in your eyes when you look at him…" Potter looks unhappy. He closes the gap between us – we are in a deserted corridor, the party is still going strong but I was bored so left._

_"What do you care?" I am not normally this rude but watching James get it on with that Hufflepuff has put me in a foul temper._

_"I like you Vivian…" an idea sparks in my head, I could really get my own back at James… _(Okay so my somewhat drunk mind may have missed out the fact that in order for James to get jealous, he would have to like me in the first place – which he didn't, he didn't even know I existed.)_ I could make James Potter jealous… I could kiss his brother._

_"Oh, well… I guess I like you too," I smile suggestively, putting my plan into action. Potter looks surprised but happy as I press closer to him._

_"Really?" he breaths… stupid males, they believe everything women tell them. I nod. He wraps his arms around me and I tilt my head up for a kiss, which he obligingly bestows on me. He is a good kisser, better than I expected and I slowly begin to forget who I am kissing and why._

_Suddenly our kissing takes on a new heat, he pushes me up against the wall and starts fumbling with my robes. I run my hands down his body as our kisses grow deeper. Skin on skin. Oh Merlin._

_"Vivian…" he moans in my ear._

"You- you weren't that drunk?" I stutter, he shakes his head. Oh Merlin.

"I loved you Vivian, I still do." Now it is my turn to stare. This has to be some kind of sick joke. "I have loved you since we were in our third year and you hit that bludger into my back and got sent off the pitch. You were so mad, your hair was whipping wildly around your face, your eyes were so bright… When you told me you liked me that night I knew it wasn't true but I just let myself believe you because I was so desperate for you to love me back. Your kisses set me on fire, I couldn't think straight… I kicked myself the following morning, thinking I should never have rushed into things like that but when I saw you later on, you completely ignored me and I realised the extent of my mistake: you didn't like me, you never had.

"Then when your father came to me and told me you were pregnant, a part of me was overjoyed – I had a tie to you that could not be broken – and then he said you wanted to marry me I just let myself believe him… I let myself be fooled by my heart." His face is expressionless and I am suddenly aware of how much he is hurting. "I thought you wanted to be my wife, I would never have married you otherwise… I was a fool, I should have known you would never love me… I knew the minute James burst into the church that I was wrong, so horribly wrong and I hated myself for it… I hated that I had destroyed the little happiness in your life…"

I don't realise I am crying until a teardrop falls from my cheek onto my hand.

"All I ever wanted was to make you happy…" I am crying in earnest now, sobs wrack my body as tears run down my face. Albus just stares at me for a few moments before hesitantly coming over to sit beside me. Guilt twists in my gut and squeezes at my heart – how could I not have seen it. Now that I know it is so obvious, every look, every touch.

"I'm so sorry," I weep as he puts his arm around me. Why am I always crying, I never use to cry. I turn my head into his chest and let my tears soak his robes, he strokes my hair like he did the day before my birthday when I was missing my mother... like he did the day of our wedding. His body shakes slightly and I wonder if he is crying too… that is before I hear him chuckle.

"It is not funny!" I screech, sitting up to look him in the face. He is shaking with laughter and I wonder if everything he had just said was some horrific joke. He just shakes his head.

"Sorry," he gasps. "It is just- we are such a mess!" It still isn't funny but I can feel myself begin to giggle as well and before I know what is happening we are both crying our eyes out – half from laughter and half from pain and loss. "Oh Merlin," he whispers as I burry my face in his shirt again to stifle my hysterical laughter.

I know it is wrong but in my hysterical state I cannot seem to help it – I begin kissing his chest, working my way up to his neck… to his jaw… to his face… to his lips. He groans. Desire takes over as he runs his hands down my spine. I whimper. Fire takes hold deep within me, there is a connection between us that cannot be denied. He bites my lip as I move to sit upon him; he grasps my hips and pulls me closer to him.

Neither of us is laughing now.

He abruptly stands up but does not let go of me, wrapping his hands around my thighs he picks me up and I hold on tight with my legs, my arms draped over his shoulders… he moves towards the door. I feel the solid wood of the doorframe dig into my back as he kisses me hard… my legs slip back to the ground and we stumble up the staircase… not letting go of the other.

I fall back onto the bed and he comes crashing down on top of me… I hear the sound of ripping cloth as I tear at his robes. He kisses my neck, moving down across my chest, my breasts, my stomach… Oh Merlin. I shudder as he fumbles with my robes. Then they are gone and he collapses back onto me, kissing me until I forget who I am… A gasp escapes me as the insides of my thighs burn with a fire I did not know existed. Skin on skin. Gentle at first and then more persist, demanding… I groan and let myself go…

The next morning finds me in my husband's arms and for the first time I feel comfortable, like I belong there. Neither of us moves as we do not want to break the spell of peace that surrounds us. At last, I feel Albus' hand – the one not draped around my shoulder – gently stroke my stomach. The bump that is our child is clearly visible now; I feel a strange pressure in my stomach and Albus quickly retracts his hand.

"What the-"

"It moved," he whispers in awe. I turn my head onto his shoulder. It moved. Our baby is actually moving, for the first time it hits me that there is an actual human child growing inside me, real and alive…

"It moved…" I echo as a tear rolls down my cheek, Albus kisses the track left by the tear. I look at him and see awe and delight mingled on his features; I suspect the same emotions are mirrored on mine. He pulls me back into his arms and we just stay like that until my stomach tells me it is time for food.

Hand in hand we walk down the stairs to the kitchen where he fixes me up some bacon and eggs. We sit across from each other at the tiny table, our legs entangled, I almost feel happy. He traces the lines on the palm of my free hand as I shovel the food.

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**Author's Note:**** Hello again, let me know your thoughts :) and check out my blog if you feel like it x**


	12. Reversal

**Chapter Twelve – Reversal**

**_August_****_2022_**

Turning my head slightly to the right, I tilt my chin upwards. Yes. There is definitely a rose hint in my normally white cheeks. My reflection smiles as me and it takes a moment for me to register that I too, am smiling.

"Good morning my love," Albus' figure appears behind me as he bends down to kiss my neck.

"Good morning," I smile back as he continues to trace a line of kisses up my neck and along my jaw line. "And how are you today?" He replies with a murmur as his hands slip around my waist and I lean back into him. I gaze into the ancient full length mirror; Albus is almost a head taller than me, his messy black hair is only a shade lighter than my own, which tumbles in unorganised ringlets over my shoulders. His eyes shine like emerald pools from his peaceful face; my own blue eyes reflect the glimmer of sky that can be seen from the window. He rests his cheek against my hair and smiles as me. This is the closest to happiness I have ever felt… or, almost, at least.

"If only you weren't so beautiful…" he whispers in my ear. "Then I wouldn't mind going to work." I discovered Albus worked on a muggle building site a little way from here. He said it didn't pay a lot but it was enough. He wanted to be able to support me.

"If only you would accept my dowry… My father expected to pay it, he doesn't mind, to him it is only proper that he should give you money." He sighs, we had this conversation yesterday but Albus has far too much pride to accept money from my father – even in the form of a dowry – he is so like me in that sense…

"No Vivian; that would be like being paid for you… I should really be paying him for letting me be with you…" Now it is my turn to sigh – partly out of frustration and partly because of the way Albus is leaving a trail of kisses down my neck. "I really have to go…" pulling away reluctantly he kisses me one last time on the lips before disappearing out the door and down the stairs.

I go downstairs to watch him walking off, the house now looks very smart, Albus took a day off work yesterday and we had a massive clean-up while we talked. We talked about a lot of things, about his work, about the house, about Scorpius and Roxanne… We even talked about the future. Albus says he wants to be an Auror, like his father, but when he retires, he wants to go into teaching – Defence Against the Dark Arts hopefully, if Professor Creevey ever retires himself that is. I have no dreams or ambitions, I never did. We didn't talk about the baby much… only when it kicked or moved… never about its future.

My day passes slowly as I wait for Albus to come home. I tidy our bedroom and smile at the memories of the last two mornings walking up in Albus' arms. He is so gentle yet his touch is like fire. It seems odd that in only two days we will be going back to school. After everything that has happened this summer, I just can't imagine being back in my dorm… away from Albus. I suppose I hadn't really thought about that but I will have to sleep on my own again. I'm not sure I like the idea.

Looking through the fridge, I decide to make Albus something nice for dinner – my cookery skills have improved vastly over the holidays and I am now fairly confident in following a recipe. I decide on spinach and ricotta stuffed cannelloni and begin to prepare the ingredients.

Jumping slightly as the doorbell rings, I spill the spinach and ricotta mixture over my robes. Albus is early – he must have forgotten his key. Putting down the spoon, I clean my robes with a flick of my wand and open the door.

James.

Pound… Pound… Pound… My heart beat slows. His hair still falls beautifully before his soft brown eyes; his once confident posture is now slumped with uncertainty; his eyes have lost their sparkle. He cannot be here.

"Vivian…" he breathes.

"You cannot be here."

"Vivian… I had to see you," his eyes bear into mine. Begging.

"You cannot be here." I repeat. His face falls. My heart chips again.

"Vivian… _please_."

"You cannot be here. Please. James… _please_. I need you to leave."

"Why?" his voice is barely audible.

"Because you can't, you know you can't. I am your brother's wife."

"Are you happy Vivian?" It is a simple question. _Am I happy?_ I was… until I opened the door to see James Sirius Potter.

"You need to leave."

"Vivian," I have to tear my eyes away from his to prevent me falling into his arms again. I owe it to Albus. I owe a lot to Albus.

"James," I breathe deeply. "You know as well as I do that a part of me will always belong with you… But I think there is a chance I could be happy with Albus… I need to try James… I could never be happy with you." There is a small slither of truth in those words that I cling to. I could never really be happy knowing I had divided a family… divided brothers.

"I love you Vivian…" when I do not reply, James reaches up and kisses me gently on the lips. It takes all my will power not to fall into that kiss; I remember how Albus' kisses feel. When I do not respond, James pulls back, giving me one last painful look before turning and running down the street…

Running…

Running and colliding…

Running and colliding… Into Albus.

No.

James takes one look at his brother and apparates. After what seems like days, Albus moves. Slowly, hesitantly, walking forward, towards me. He must have seen it… must have seen James kiss me.

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**Hello, sorry it has taken so long to update but here it is, updates should be more regular now. Let me know your thoughts in a lovely little review or come and visit by blog (link on profile page) to ask me or my characters questions. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! GirlOnTheSidelines xx**


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